EWA Jambox 07/17/07

(Yeah, it's a day later than titled, but I put this up on the expert whiteboyz blog last night, forgetting that I'm supposed to put this stupid shit here too so we can get 11 votes instead of 7. Basically, this thing is a battle of the semi-current jams like very radio station in the history of forever has had, except we do it 3-way style with a pair of challengers each time. Winner moves on to the next poll - held roughly every five days (depending on my motivational feelings at the time) - and two new challengers, usually with some sort of theme to them, jump into the fray. So here is what was at expert whiteboyz last night.)

Devin the Dude's "What a Job" song shut out the competition, which is probably because both the Pharoahe Monch and Talib Kweli CDs suck. Today, moving from overhyped critic-friendly NYC rap, our new pair of challengers will be overhyped critic-friendly Chitown rap. Resurrection is still one of my all-time favorite tapes, but seriously, what the fuck is going on in Chicago? I think that down-low shit is not real at all, but something R. Kelly talked about and happens all over Chicago where dudes fuck each other thinking it's somehow still straight but everybody looks at them and is like, "Man, those dudes are homo." And there's nothing wrong with being homo, but if you are gonna be homo just be outright homo. Fuck all this closet bullshit. For what it's worth, Common is also my favorite hearsay gay rapper, as this chick I used to be tight with was tight with some dude who was a little whiteboy backpacker hip hop head who worked at the Marriott in Richmond, and Common stayed one night and ordered room service and dude delivered and Common was all propositioning him to come in the room and staring at the dude googly-eyed like "Know what I mean?" and being sorta pushy about it almost. I mean, if someone's your fan, they should want to have sex with you, right? That hearsay story always made me sad, not because Common might be bi or gay or whatever, but because even if he was, I would expect more from him than for him to just try to Kobe Bryant the dude delivering room service orders. Anyways, here's the rundown on the new jambox poll...
CHAMPION: Devin the Dude feat. Snoop Dogg & Andre 3000 - What A Job - two-time defending champion, and a sign of all the greatness Devin could kick, which hopefully won't trick you into buying his back catalog. If you do think about it though, get Just Tryin' Ta Live first, then Waitin' to Inhale. Skip the screwed shit, as it's about as shitty a screwed and chopped version you can get of a record.
CHALLENGER #1: Kanye West - Stronger - Off of Mr. Asshole Unbuttoned Shirt's upcoming already-overhyped CD. I have never understood Kanye love at all. Funny sped-up voice samples plus simplistic rhymes apparently is the greatest shit ever though. Maybe I'm just hating. Why'm I so mad?
CHALLENGER #2: Common - The People - From the couple of tracks I've heard off this new Common CD (did it come out today?), it's not as bad as some of his recent records, like he seems to be trying to sound hungry again, but still. It's pretty weak stuff, like going through the motions of hunger. I think the worst thing a rapper could ever do is think of himself as some sort of jazz musician instead of some sort of rock-n-roll fuckwad. If he wants to get all clever and linguistical, he should do it like an Eddie Van Halen guitar solo as opposed to being all Mingus with everything. Which is not to discredit Charlie Mingus or jazz music, so much as point out how fucking stupid jazzy rappers are.

EWA JAMBOX! - click this for the poll bullshit