Avenged Sevenfold - City Of Evil

[Warner Bros.]

I don't understand this new craze of irony in music. Shit like 3 Inches Of Blood and The Darkness make no sense to me. Avenged Sevenfold is no different. It's ironic metal music made by pop punk assholes and marketed to little girls who don't like metal. Fuck, there's a good chance Avenged Sevenfold will end up being the first 'metal' band they hear. What kind of horrible world are we living in?

Musically, it could be worse. I mean, don't get me wrong, this is the audio equivalent of having glass rods break off in your penis hole for an hour straight, but million dollar production will make anything sound good. For the most part, it's just tired metal riffs put together strategically by a crack team of the industry's best sales reps and A&R fuckers. Essentially, it's made so you can't hate it, because these shitsacks spent days inside of a plush office going over Power Point presentations of what does and doesn't work while eating shrimp and cavier directly out of porn stars' asses.

The problem is, if you have half a brain, this shit will make you nauseous on contact. This isn't like Nu Metal, that aped metal just enough to make it something kind of different that was uiniversally awful and universally hated by anyone that wasn't a total douche. This is metal aping metal. I know it's hard to follow, but it's just not right. It's like if McDonald's or Phillip Morris decided to buy metal. They would buy the rights to all metal and only let Avenged Sevenfold play metal from now on. It's metal in a nice, neat, non-threatening package. It's no surprise this is on Warner Bros...

If you have any type of soul or heart and you are into metal, you will have no trouble voting this as the worst CD of the year. This is way more offensive than Anal Cunt could ever hope to be.