NBA Random Fan Attention Span - WK 2

(This will be an ongoing feature during this year's incredibly long and boring NBA season, where Mike Dikk (MD) and Raven Mack (RM) attempt to be interested, while pro ballin' fans John Dawson (JD) and Brian Tosh (BWT) attempt to explain to them what they're just not getting about it. Also introducing Andrew Bulous (AB), who is ultra-shocking because he uses racial epithets.)

RM: The Wizards blazed out the gate to 0-3, and Gilbert Arenas is tossing up bricks from the 3-point line, then getting his knee drained after games already. And the def poetry slam dreadlocked dude I liked (Etan Thomas) is out indefinitely after fucking heart surgery. Meanwhile the Redskins might actually be able to stumble into the playoffs, causing retarded euphoria inside me. In fact, the only thing that even caused me to care this week was a picture I saw in the paper where the two rookies on the Wizards were lamping on their video blog in some old fur coats out of Gilbert Arenas' humongous closet of ridiculous gear. And that gave me excitement that if the rookies are emulating Gilbert in the blogosphere in wacky ways, and just hanging with that weird fucker, then that bodes well for the future of the NBA. At least so far as it concerns me.
RM NBA ATTN SPAN: 4% (3% of that due to having to do this stupid shit, and the other 1% from the pic of the two rookies in Gilbert's old fur coats.)

AB: Hey guys! FUCK YOU GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS FUCK YOU WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU NINCOMPOOPS? OH FUCK I HATE EVERYTHING. Okay. Let me start over here. First I sincerely apologize for my racial epithet last entry, I know it profoundly offended Mike Dikk and he is a sensitive boy.
So the Warriors are sucking monstrous dicks so far this year and I blame it entirely on Troy Hudson. He is old and gay. Did you know that Troy Hudson has released an album entitled "Undrafted"? Because it's true, he wasn't drafted. And he wasn't drafted because he sucks. And now he is on my favorite team in the NBA, possibly all of professional sports, and he is making them suck so bad. I don't say he is making "us" suck so bad because I will have nothing to do with him. A pox on his house.
AB NBA ATTN SPAN: 15% (Things can't get worse so I'll keep watching but I am filled with sorrow.)

BWT: Well the Sixers are playing really hard and are off to a 2-2 start. It's kinda hard to get behind your team when 2-2 is a really good start. Plus they beat the Bulls who always randomly suck at the start of the year and the Bobcats who might be the worst team I've ever seen. Like Big Country-era Vancouver Grizzlies bad. No one cares about the Sixers in town and I think there was about 5,000 people at the Bobcats game and it was one of those boring as hell 30 point blowout games. I did see a really good Jazz/Cavs game the other night and boy is Lebron screwed with that team. He should pray each and every night that Andre Iguodala doesn't re-sign with the Sixers so he can have a Scottie Pippen on his team.
BWT NBA ATTN SPAN: 51% (28% of that due to it being the start of the year and watching the TNT crew do all kinds of wacky segments. The best being where they ask Charles what team a guy plays for.)

JD: I know why people are turned off to the NBA. It is the fucking gay-ass programming they stick us with throughout the season. If you do not have a local cable system that carries games, you are stuck with the ESPN/TNA faves of Nuggets, Suns, Mavs, Cavs, Spurs, and Pistons every night. One of the reasons I grew to love the NBA is because where I grew up had MSG, so I got to see all the Knick home games, alternately, I got to see almost every NBA team. But if you don't have that, those teams could make you hate the NBA.
The Sonics seem to be the Nuggets of this season so far, and I have no problem with that. Of the games I have watched, outside of the Jazz, the Sonics have gotten me the most interested. I hope they get more play because they can be the suprise team in the West.
There is an Eastern Conference?
JD NBA ATTN SPAN: 70% (5% of which is watching Bron fuck the dog.)

MD: I have too much real life drama going on to really focus on the NBA, but there have been some interesting developments since last week. First, I found out I don't get the Fox Soccer Channel anymore, so I can't watch EPL at all really. I did get to watch Liverpool blow out some team whose name I can't pronounce 8-0 in the Champion's League last week. That may be my soccer swan song for a while unfortunately.
Also, I bought an issue of SLAM magazine in order to get me pumped about basketball. I am one of the few people left on earth who still reads magazines and also gets excited by them. I like all their positive human interest stories they do about players, even if some sound like bullshit. I am now a fan of Loual Deng or however the fuck you spell it. The thing I don't like is, there seems to be some kind of NBA Fan slang that I'm not into. Referring to the NBA as "The League" or "The L" is dumb, especially when it's the only american pro sport that doesn't already have "League" in it's name somewhere.
Finally, I think I'm going to stick with the Mavericks as my favorite team, with the Chicago Bulls being my secondary favorite team. Oh, and I haven't watched even a minute of basketball on TV yet, but I'll get around to it someday.
MD NBA ATTN SPAN: 4% (all 4% due to having to do this on a weekly basis. It will rise at some point, I swear.)