1.16.2007

White Rapper Show Power Rankings

I was going to do this after the first episode last week, but I figured I'd let the show "flesh out" the characters more. Basically this is a fancy way of me guessing who is going to win. I feel like a 45 year old housewife guessing who is going to win a reality show, but this is the number one reasons blogs were created, so eat it.

1. Sullee aka Young Heff: He's pretty normal looking and he's competent at the rapping, which will probably be enough to win the entire thing. Just about everyone else on the show fits into some horrible white rapper stereotype, so he has that going for him.

2. Shamrock: Southern Rap is big right now, and he hasn't gotten a chance to make a fool of himself yet, but I imagine at some point there will be some kind of reality show shenanigans that will work against him.

3. Jon Boy: Like Sullee, he doesn't really have a strong gimmick, but it works against him, because he's pretty plain. He's from Nowhere Special Virginia and just looks like some regular dude with a misshapen head too big for his body.

4. John Brown: He's the shows heel, so it could easily come down to him and someone else, but I don't see him winning the whole thing. His eyes are too close together. He also seems to be at least half retarded, but I suspect a lot of that has to do with editing, since he's not completely horrible at rapping.

5. Persia: She would probably win if it was a contest for a record contract, but it's for $100,000, and if reality shows have taught me anything, it's that gross fat people never come out on top.

6. 100 Proof: He actually pulls off his Kid Rock gimmick pretty well, and he doesn't completely suck at music so he'll probably have the most success after the show ends, because he has the ready made Hot Topic Twizted style fanbase waiting in the wings. I doubt he'd actually win though.

7. Jus Rhyme: I'm really surprised they found a White Guilt Rapper stereotype to compete in this. I don't hate this guy personally, because I don't know him, but I hate the stereotype and personality more than any other stereotype/personality on the show.

8. G-Child: My personal favorite cast member, but she doesn't stand a chance. She has a similar gimmick to someone else on the show with far less talent.

Already Eliminated:
Week One: Dasit
Week Two: Misfit

When I do his next week, I'll actually rank them based on how the show is going and not on my personal opinions, which probably won't differ much, but the little synopsis' will have some more meat to them at least.