Good Morning, Motherfuckers! Although I'm sure I'm the only person up at 9 o'clock on Saturday Morning, I had to share this with you because it was the first thing that I thought of this morning that's in good taste to talk to you about. Although, it has a PATENTED THROTTLE VALVE just like me! (get it? That means the real first thing I thought about was my boner and masturbating. I bring the funny.)

This is basically a hot tub with bunji chords and some shitty clock radio speakers. My favorite part is the look on the dudes face when he opens the throttle valve and gets THE MOST INCREDIBLE MASSAGE OF HIS LIFE! God Bless rich white people! God Bless God! If anyone has one of these things you should give me a holler. We can get our motherfucking hot tub on. Or, as skeevy white date rapists say, we can catch a hot tub. It would make my life to use the underwater treadmill.