85. Ghostface Killah feat. Mary J. Blige - All That I Got Is You (Razor Sharp/Epic. 1996. From the LP Ironman)
Raven Mack: If people had actual heart strings, I don't think you could find a better song to pluck that shit. This is the penultimate "how bad I had it as a broke ass ghetto kid" song, and goes beyond the "waaah, you could never understand" stereotype, because Ghostface has the wherewithal to "stare up at the stars and analyze the skies" and wonder why, and to look beyond the sheltered ghetto crutch that so many rappers wear like a shield against anybody questioning the crap they do. Ghost shows his shit was fucked, but there was something pure about it, without rubbing your nose in that conclusion obviously, but also acknowledges that there's a whole lot more to the world than just that. If I was his old earth, I would be very pride-filled. You know, as I get older and the Wu-Tang itself has broken up from the conglomeration I originally knew it as, and you can see the individual team members as their own entity, I would easily put Ghostface as one of the top five MCs ever. Easily. I would even tag him as the Rakim of his generation of rappers, and he'll be somebody that has lines sampled for far more years than the more media-hyped Jay-Z or Nas.
Mike Dikk: This song is way too low! “All That I Got…” is the most essential song Ghost ever wrote. It's the first rap song to use a 100% real Soul style approach. I dare any rap historian to prove me wrong. No one, NO ONE gets as real as Ghost on this song. I know he’s had a lot bigger and more successful singles that have defined him over the years, but this one is so fucking powerful and beautiful. Seriously, if you are not a fan of this song or if you can’t at least appreciate the beauty of it, then I’m not a fan of you. Straight up. A lot of the newer Ghostface fans who jumped on his dick after Supreme Clientele or beyond, write this song off because he’s not spitting crazy verbalz. I’ll tell you what. I stopped liking Ghostface for a little while, because he never successfully made something as powerful as this again. He tried on that “I Can’t Go To Sleep” song and came close, but that’s on the all time worst Wu Tang record ever. I started liking him again because I’m not a complete mental retard, but compared to the rest of his discography, “All That I Got Is You” is in a separate and higher class all by itself I guess if you’re from a non-poor background, maybe it wouldn’t speak to you the same way. Don’t get me wrong, even at my families absolute poorest, I wasn’t sleeping two at the front, two at the head, and I didn’t have a cousin named John-John who liked to pee the bed, but it did get rough for me at some points. Enough where I can relate deeply to this song and appreciate what little gifts I have in life right now (which really isn’t much, but you know, I have a working computer and other material objects, which is better than a lot of people are doing.). A lot of other rappers have touched on the same subjects, but never in such a descriptive way. Ghost doesn’t have a chip on his shoulder and he’s not bragging about how he’s left this life behind, he’s just laying it all on the line, right there, and dedicating it to his Mom like a good man should.
86. Jurassic 5 - Concrete Schoolyard (Rumble. 1997. From the EP Jurassic 5)
Mike Dikk: I’ve intentionally avoided Jurassic 5 for a long time, and now I’m forced to confront them because of this dumb list. Ever since I heard the pre-release hype about them bringing back the “Rappity rap rap we’re rappin’ to the beat!” old school, I made a note to never listen to them on purpose. Unfortunately, I know I’ve caught some of their songs here and there, just because I recognize Charlie 2na’s weird voice, but I couldn’t tell you the names of the songs I’ve heard. I know their most recent failure featured Dave Matthews. They really couldn’t have picked anyone else to make me dislike them more. Perhaps Meatloaf or the dude from Creed? Now that I’ve listened to this song a bunch of times in a row, I can form an honest opinion on why I don’t like these guys. They take the same type of old school posturing that Black Star had then wrung it through a west coast hippie rap filter, which is one of my most despised subgenres of rap. I’m not from the west coast, and I’ve never been, so I don’t understand why everyone from there sounds so god damn cheerful, even when they’re not trying to. Anyone who knows me knows I’m a pretty gigantic, obsessive fan of Madlib, but I really don’t place him in that hippie rap category. He’s just some dude who unfortunately happens to be from the west coast. This song really didn’t win me over either. It’s long for no reason, and sounds like something that would be too bohemian for even Dave Chappelle to listen to. These guys outgay Common. I really hope Raven has some kind of personal introspective piece to make up for all this irrational hatred I have toward Jurassic 5.
Raven Mack: Jurassic 5 is like a really hot college hippie chick - hardcore hippie with dreadlocks, not halfway trustafarian rocking the sorority DMB sticker on leased SUV with out-of-state plates style - and you finally get together to smoke some weed and you know she doesn't wear panties. The first time or two, it's very exciting and quite enjoyable, because of the freshness of the experience. But then, on like the third time sitting there listening to her aka Jurassic 5, it's that same ol' shit you kinda figured they were gonna say already. Now to be fair, I don't mind Jurassic 5 in small doses, as it's the perfect type of rap that a man can play and his wife and two daughters won't mind at all, nor will they learn stupid euphemisms for oral sex or anything far too early in their life. It's like ez listening rap music, and eventually the man's wife and two daughters will play it more often and more often, and the man will just tune it out, blocking it internally with really bad southern rap chant hooks by guys with stupid names like Richboy or Jewman or Lil Boosie. But separating different Jurassic 5 songs from each other or even putting one on this list is like arguing with somebody over what Elton John song is the greatest and how it should be right next to "Freebird" or "Crazy Train" as a rock-n-roll anthem. I'm not down with that. But hey, it's hippie rap, and white girls are down with the hippie rap, and if there's one thing in this whole hip hop world that both the expert whiteboy analysts and the thugged out ghetto fabricated dark-skin homeboys can agree on, it's that white girls sure are fun to have sex with.
I guess there's no real music video for this song, but there's around 1,000 live videos. Those are boring, so instead, I'm going to go with this video of unattractive English people doing some kind of country line/ballroom dancing hybrid to this song. I've seen some dumb shit on Youtube, but after watching this clip for the full nine and a half minutes. I had to go and take a shower to wash away the shame. If you didn't hate Jurassic 5 before reading this, you probably will now:
Raven Mack: I remember first buying the "Dead Bent/Gas Drawls" single just because I'd buy anything that looked interesting at that point, because hip hop had yet to let me down so many times. The Scooby-Doo beat for "Hey" bugged me out and I played that shit forever. So when Operation Doomsday came out, I was all up on that joint. But I have to admit, there's a part of me that hates it in retrospect, not because MF Doom is not awesome or "Doomsday" is not a great song or anything, but just... I don't know... I think comic book nerd influence on anything has had a negative effect, except for, of course, with comic books. And the whole metal mask thing, it's very cool at first, but as time has gone on and it's been filtered through the obsessive compulsive disorder-oriented internet, it fills me with hatred for the whole genre it has created. Motherfuckers doing beats for cartoons and shit. I am filled with hate for this whole phenomenom, and since this will appear in simul-print format in zine form and on the intarwebs, I'm sure there'll be mad hate for this, or the standard complaint that I'm a washed-up old curmudgeon faggot for not jumping on the NEW hotness. I guess what I get at is, I have a hard time disattaching talking about MF Doom on the robot machines from the robot souls (which are not evil-souled, but just lacking soul, or hopefully just misguided soul) that have attached this uber-hip-hop-hipster identity to the comic book term-paper rap. That being said, I've got two of those special herbs and spices joints on vinyl, and I'm not attuned to the hipster aspects of things no more, I just happened to see it in a record store and saw all the songs were named after shit like mugwort, mullein, and rosemary, and my wife does mad herbal voodoo around the house and on my ills and aches. It's the curse of hip hop though, when you come with the fresh shit, a thousand other motherfuckers with far less creativity or passion come along, take that freshness and make it stale to the point of painful.
Mike Dikk: I look at this spot as a place to commemorate Doom on his entire body of work, not just this one song. He has waaaaay too much shit out there to narrow it down to one great song. I mainly picked this one because it’s the first track on Operation: Doomsday and the lyrics: “"Ever since the womb' till I'm back where my brother went/That's what my tomb will say/Right above my government, Dumile (Doom will lay)/Either unmarked or engraved - hey, who's to say?". That’s still some of the cleverest shit he’s ever said. Those lines kind of set the mood for the entire song. It’s optimistic and fun, yet still depressing, which a lot of rappers can’t pull off, but Doom does it so well that most people don’t even notice. He has the type of flow I could listen to for days without getting sick of it. Lately, it seems a lot of people who found out about Doom early on kind of turned on him. Their reasoning is kind of ridiculous if you ask me. Not Raven’s, his reasoning is somewhat unique. Everyone else says he puts out too much shit, but the average lame mainstream rapper is doing 85 mixtapes a year now, and those usually have the same recycled beats over and over again. There’s only so many times you can hear “CANNON!” before you realize it’s just a dumb sounding vocal sample that gets more and more annoying every time another rapper uses it on his mixtape. Doom with his own beats (or Madlib’s) is 99% of the time golden. I will agree that his stuff with other producers isn’t as great, and stuff like that second Viktor Vaughn disc is downright awful. That’s another thing about Doom. His production style is amazing, and yeah, some people are trying to do the same tricks these days, but no one else is going to flip some AM Gold sample like Doom and make it into a masterpiece. Dude has 10 volumes of his instrumental series and there’s hardly a weak beat to be found. To sum up, stop hating on Doom just because he isn’t a well-kept internet secret anymore. He’s one of the few people that deserve any type of success he receives. His resume dates back to the late 80’s and holds up against anyone around right now. There’s plenty of douchebags on 106 and Park you can direct your ill will toward.
No real video for this song, and the live clip isn't loading properly, so here's a 5 minute feature on Madvillain record shopping. I just wanted to work Madlib in somewhere on this list:
88. Ice-T - 6 'N The Mornin' (Sire/Warner Brothers. 1987. From the LP Rhyme Pays)
Mike Dikk: This song sounds so OLD. It was originally released in 1986 as a B-Side to Ice-T’s first single, and even by 1986 standards, it sounds old. I would have guessed 1983 or something. Plus, the reverb on the vocals not only makes this sound more dated, but it also gives off the feeling that this was originally recorded in a local TV studio for a Public Access channel. I can just imagine a young Ice-T now in washed out colors on some glittery stage 6 inches off the ground rapping about smacking bitches in his high pitched old school nasally while a toll free number scrolls across the bottom of the screen. Actually, I already directed an imaginary music video for this song in my head. Do you remember that scene in the movie Pump Up The Volume where there’s some white kids with a boombox rocking out to Ice-T’s “Let’s Get Butt Naked And Fuck”? Well, in my imaginary music video that song is replaced with “6 ‘N Tha Mornin’” and that scene is cut down to a three second loop that plays throughout the duration of the song. Then I add another white kid into the foreground doing the jive walk that Rog from What’s Happenin’ does when he gets a job with the newspaper. The kid is wearing oversized sunglasses and a backwards neon hat too. To this day, I still imagine that this is what rap music sounds like to all parents: Shitty, barbaric, badly recorded, simplistic and all about Guns and Woman Violence.
Raven Mack: Used to play this tape constantly, so much so that the letters on the side of the cassette wore off from it being handled. And it's funny, because when my dad was home, I'd play it sort of low because this IS what he imagined rap music to be like. I'm sure it's a common theme amongst lower class members of the Expert Whiteboy Analysis sub-culture, but pops wouldn't have been too down with me listening to shit like Ice-T, even though you gotta think it's a step in a better direction from shit like Slayer and Kreator. For as dated and corny as this song sounded, this was the first real song that painted detailed pictures of west coast thug life. That's why, in 1986, when the west coast was barely heard of, Ice-T was doing tours on the east coast. I still love this song though. Simplistic is sometimes looked down upon, so that you get corny showtune beats and over-analyzed lyrics like that Lupe Fiasco CD, and people think it's great because it's got string section samples and shit. I am down with a song sometimes sounding like a dude beat the beat out on a flipped over five-gallon bucket while his buddy rapped in the corner of the bathroom.
89. Biz Markie - Make The Music With Your Mouth, Biz (Cold Chillin'. 1988. From the LP Goin' Off)
Raven Mack: Biz Markie may be the ugliest non-African continent-based dark-skinned man on the Earth, but hip hop is that beautiful land where, even if you are this ugly, if you can make wonderfully entertaining sound simulations with your mouth and repeat linquistical sounds in a rhythmic pattern, all the while interjecting your own trademark self-deprecating sense of humor, and while wearing a fat dooky chain, it will love you. "Make The Music..." is one of those old school song that will fill you with joy for a simpler time, before every rapper had a shitty liqueur and energy drink and every album had 13 tracks that totalled up features 29 other rappers and 6 producers. It's the type of song that makes me wish all these wack-ass Clear Channel "THE HOME OF HIP HOP AND R & B!" stations would abandon the quiet storm Sunday afternoon throwback show and just do an old school mix. I'd much rather wash and wax my car at the lake to an old school mix than hear another fuckin' played-out quiet storm show, especially when you have to wait forever to hear an Al Green song.
Mike Dikk: Biz Markie is what Hip Hop is all about. I hate saying shit like that because it makes me sound like a crunchy college student, but it’s true. Name someone more Hip Hop than The Biz. You can’t because there isn’t anybody! The dude has been around for a few decades now and I think anyone involved in rap would still be pumped about doing a collabo with him. As a matter of fact, if any rapper has any other answer outside of “Yeah, definitely” when asked if he’d want to work with Biz, I don’t want to listen to that guy's music anymore, because he obviously takes his “art” way too seriously, and I don’t need shit like that in my life. Save the seriousness for Goth Night, pal. This was Biz Markie’s first single from his first LP, and it shows off his beat boxing skills more than his rapping skills. Biz has never been the greatest rapper, but he can get a few laughs out of you, and I hear his record collection is the stuff of legend. I wouldn’t mind sitting around listening to him talk about all that crazy shit he has, even though I’m not that smart and wouldn’t know what half of it was to begin with. The day Biz dies will surely be a sad one. It’s something we’re all going to have to cope with someday, and we’ll be better off coping with it together. Stay strong Biz. Keep Hip Hop alive and don’t die until like 2342.
There was an old clip on youtube of a very young and skinny Biz Markie beatboxing and dancing on stage followed by a freestyle with Big Daddy Kane with The Biz beatboxing, but of course that clip was way too great to stay on YouTube. Instead here's a clip from a very old episode of YO! MTV Raps with The Biz.
90. Outkast - Elevators (Me And You) (LaFace/Arista. 1996. From the LP: ATLiens)
Mike Dikk: This was my favorite incarnation of Outkast. That would be the slightly-getting-weird-but-not-enough-to-scare-off-normal-people-who-aren’t-into-looking-at-dudes-in-booty-shorts-and-le g-warmers incarnation. Don’t get me wrong. I’m white enough to like all of Outkast’s singles up until that double CD disaster, but "Elevators" is the ultimate for me. It’s just so subtly fucking weird. The record was released around the same time Dr. Octagon spearheaded the Weird Rap movement (also known as trip-hop), and as much as I like the Dr. Octagon record, you can’t deny it’s weird for the sake of being weird, whereas Outkast were just naturally weird dudes who just happened to be friends with a naturally weird production team and they came together to make magic on this track. To this day, I don’t know what the fuck the chorus is supposed to mean, but it’s one of my favorite choruses to sing for no god damn reason. Come to think of it, I don’t know what Outkast is rapping about 90% of the time, but it’s not what Outkast is rapping about on this track. (From what I gather, this song is about Outkasts’s experiences with their rising fame. That sort of explains the chorus, but not really.) It’s all about the beat. It’s like old Timbaland except not as stupid. There’s a dude giving out one of those half-laugh “Oh I’ll pretend to laugh as to not make you feel like an asshole for telling a really crappy joke” laughs sampled for chrissake. For no apparent reason except to trip you out while you’re high. The whole track sounds like that momentary euphoric feeling you get before you blackout after purposely taking too much cold medicine with the extra added bonus of two dudes with smooth southern drawls rhythmically talking over the whole thing. If I could, I’d have a chip impanted in my head that played this song anytime I drank Nyquil or Robitussin. You don’t even need to Chop and/or Screw this man. Just chill out and let Outkast’s Funkariffic Space Coaster glide you to sleep.
Raven Mack: Outkast is tricky territory, because it's the type of hip hop that those on the periphery of full-scale music dorkdom will proclaim the greatest hip hop group to ever breath on a mic. Dudes who used to be seminal members of some local group that inspired a couple much bigger bands who now are relegated to spinning obscure soul gospel songs on their community radio show, or grad college dudes who love Putamayo compilations and have already buffed a spot on their bumper for their Barack in '08 sticker, classic blue. And my initial response is to think about how much I loathe Outkast, but I don't really loathe Outkast, because they were awesome. But they are also the perfect example of how shitty Hip Hop the Business can ruin a great Hip Hop the Some Kids Who Love It. I mean, the changes in Andre 3000 are obvious, perhaps polluted by Badu-gasms like so many others, or perhaps he's just a weird bi-sexual kid with schizophrenic tendencies who happened to be born in the ghetto where those types don't automatically get coddled into adulthood. His half of the GROUND-BREAKING crap double CD is pure masturbatory shit, and the Weird Rap mention is right on, because I imagine of everybody who thinks The Love Below album is great, they'd probably say Kool Keith is their favorite MC ever. DUDE, IT'S AWESOME BECAUSE HE'S A NEGRO BUT HE'S ACTING CRAZY! Ironic hipster white people love the idea of an MC Wesley Willis, and Andre 3000 is the closest they've gotten on a mainstream level thus far. But Big Boi has been turned out by this industry as well. He sort of mails in sub-par southern verses pretty regularly, and there's no reason on fuckin' earth that either the ATL movie or the Idlewild one should not be next to ones for the new E-40 movie and Big Black Butt Orgy Vol. 3 in the back pages of Murder Dog, other than it's Outkast - a proven brand name - so it gets put in major release. But I digress. For me, the Outkast relativity to awesome scale is relates directly to how early the release was. First album - awesome. Second one, which this comes from - pretty awesome as well, and starting to dabble in oddball shit, but not so over-the-top it makes you afraid Mohammad might throw you off the mountain for listening to it too much. And the further away you get, the worse it gets. I have Stankonia on vinyl, and always forget to sell it because it's gradually worked it's way from the center of the stack to the far edges (the habit being to push things over from the middle and put shit back in at the center, so the further towards the edge you get, the less likely it is it's seen rotation on my turntable in years), but every once in a while, I get tricked by somebody talking about it into thinking, "Hey, maybe I just never gave that album the right listen." So I'll pull it out, dust it off, and play it... and it'll suck like always. So yeah, this song, and this album, is probably that Polaroid perfect glimpse into the madness, and it would've been nice if they could've just been into weird fake alien shit forever, but then Andre turned into a college student who really loves thrift stores and Big Boi turned into his roommate and cousin who will always hang tight with him because Andre ain't all there and Big Boi promised Andre's aunt that he'd look after him. In fact, that's often how I imagine Outkast's success being, that Andre has family that's almost certain he's gay, but Big Boi hangs out to keep an eye on him and push women on him, and this keeps Andre from being openly gay because he knows it'll break his family's heart for their famous boy to be a punk, so they just tool along, until I guess one day Big Boi might die and then Andre will be kicking it in fashion mags in France and shit. Also, you know how on that one skit on the first Wu-Tang tape, Method Man and Raekwon are trying to outdo fucked-up torture scenarios to each other? I often imagine that back during the "Elevators" days, Dre and Ceelo and probably Big Gipp too would all be sitting around trying to out-flamboyant each other, but all in jest.
I've wanted this Jigsaw song for a while now, but it seems like it's kind of hard to get a hold of a vinyl copy of it. A few weeks ago I was on Ebay and I saw this 45 listed on there. The starting bid was $2.99, and I figured it would go for way more, since it was not only a 45 of "Sky High", but it was also some weird Japanese pressing with Mil Mascaras on the cover. I bid the low bid and ended up winning. The shipping from Japan ended up costing more than the record!
If you're not familiar with "Sky High", it's an old disco song, but not as cheesy as most disco. Once the chorus kicks in, you'll know if you've heard it before. I'm fairly certain it's been sampled a few times too. I couldn't tell you by who though.
The B side is one of those public domain College Football marching band type songs called "Sports March" by Pete Jones. For those familiar with Japanese wrestling, this is/was the song that was used for the opening theme for All Japan Pro Wrestling. Then again, I could be completely wrong, and could be thinking of a completely different marching band song. It's been a while since I've watched All Japan Pro Wrestling. I'm assuming I'm right though, and that would explain the wrestling themed cover.
I'm not sure where Jigsaw's "Sky High" would factor into Japanese wrestling though. I know Ultimo Dragon used a dance remix/cover version of the song for his entrance music in the 1996 J Crown, but that doesn't explain why the original was on a wrestling themed version in 1977. I doubt anyone out there knows, but if you do, feel free to drop some knowledge.
I made this into two separate files, because there's no real reason to download "Sports March" unless you're a completist.
91. House Of Pain - Jump Around (Tommy Boy. 1992. From The LP House of Pain)
Raven Mack: It was 1992. The self-loathing white people into hip hop caused because of the Vanilla Ice debacle had finally subsided. Mickey's malt liquor started marketing both the widemouth stubby bottles in six-packs as well as the Molotov-cocktail perfect 22 ounce bottles. Cypress Hill's mind-twangy beats by whiteboy extraordinaire DJ Muggs had already captivated the white people crowd, because it was hip hop about drugs and it had what looked to be a Mexican dude, a black dude, and a white dude in the group, so hip hop was putting it forward that,"Hey, you white people are okay again, come on in, but be cool or we'll kick you out of the party like we did last time. So you take this perfect storm of conditions, take the Muggs sound and throw it behind some chump-ass white rapper who used to be down with Ice-T but had repackaged himself as an Irish dude with two other sort of Irish dudes, and then you spice it all with a Pete Rock remix, who was the hottest of the hotness at that moment, and BAMMM! You have a song that will be played at frat parties, minor league hockey games, and on mix CDs made by metrosexual homos for eternity. I, myself, must have drank a thousand double deuces in those days (including a personal high of 7 in one night), and may have never gotten along better with the ultra-violent skinheads of Richmond, Virginia, that I did during that "Jump Around" storm. Good times and good memories, and I'm glad I didn't get as many tattoos as I would've wanted back then.
Mike Dikk: I have this silent rule that I can’t like songs I previously liked if they somehow become cheapened by a kitsch or irony factor. I understand it’s because I’m white and into hip hop, so I always have to prove I’m Da Rillest, especially over the internet, and you can’t accidentally say you like a song if there is even an ounce of a chance that someone may think you heard that song for the first time in a commercial for frozen pizza and not on the streets while you were hustlin’. I did love this song though, and I was nerdy enough even back then to know all about Everlast’s failed pretty boy rapper career he tried to start up before House Of Pain. So I knew the whole thing was a gimmick to begin with, which is rather obvious now. I dare anyone, even the most backwoods, out of touch white trash asshole that’s still wearing wrap-around Oakleys and has a Pantera tapestry hanging up in their living room to listen to this entire LP and not laugh at least 5 times at how ridiculous the whole thing is. I’m assuming Muggs hooked up the beat and the dude was on fire back then. There could have been any type of nationality gimmick going on above this song and it would have turned out great. I did get a bit too over obsessed with this song and House of Pain as a whole though. When the single came out, The Source had House of Pain stickers inserted into their magazine, and I would go to the store and steal all of the stickers out of them just to have them. It was a pretty sweet logo though. I had all the maxi singles and the full lengths, and numerous T-shirts, because I was that into these guys, and I feel real ashamed in saying that now. I’m sure a lot of white dudes were into them as much as I was, and there’s a good chance they were into them that much because they WERE white dudes and the song was really dope, but that was never a big factor for me, since I’ve always disliked the Irish, mostly because they smell like spermicidal lubricant and band aids when they sweat, and I'm pale and all, but people with transparent skin scare the fuck out of me. Plus House of Pain was like Cypress Hill Lite (Making Funkdoobiest, Cypress Hill Ultra Lite 100's and The Lordz of Brooklyn the generic brand of Cypress Hill Ultra Lite 100's), and I liked Cypress about ten times more. Well, until “Insane in the Membrane” came out. Then I hated them a whole bunch. The real crappy thing about "Jump Around" is the fact that there was no actual pause between this song going from something respectable to play and get buckwild to, to something you ‘ironically’ listen to and make fun of. There was just a random day where every geek out there decided to make a mockery of this song and ruin it for everyone who loved it and had good intentions from the start. I’m sure it would take years of research to come close to an estimated number of how many shitty bar rock bands made attempts at covering this song, and I don’t even want to think about how many illegitimate children currently living in a trailer park were conceived while this was playing in the background on a Soundesign rack system with one speaker blown out.
92. David Banner - Cadillac On 22s (Universal/SRC. 2003. From the LP Mississippi: The Album)
Mike Dikk: This was one of Raven’s Executive Decision picks, so I’m sure this song has some kind of emotional relevance to him, and his section of the write up will be way more entertaining, eloquent and soulful. I wish he was starting this one off so I could make some sense of it and pretend like I know what I’m talking about. What you get here is David Banner emoting over some acoustic folk sample with a nice little hook and scattered beat. I will say that David Banner is kind of underrated in the way that he’s a southern rapper, but actually has things to say in his lyrics instead of the same old bullshit that’s going on in every single song on the radio. Of course, it’s hard for me to prove that point when the name of the god damn song is “Cadillac on 22’s”, but maybe it’s a metaphor or something, or maybe southern people really just love Cadillacs and need to talk about them every other minute of the day. This is a good song though, and chances are if you are one of my more suburban friends, you’ve never heard it before, so you should take a listen to it and maybe you’ll get super into it and this list will have actually made a positive effect on your life and you will thank me in real life and possibly give me some money later on in life when you are successful and I’m still sitting in my room making lists about songs half the earth forgot about or never heard in the first place.
Raven Mack: Yeah, I guess this would be the best place to give a half-assed explanation of how this project worked. Basically, all six fucks involved came up with a stupendously ridiculous list of every single we could think of, and the only criteria really was that in order for it to be a bonafide HOT JAM it had to have been a single of some sort (though I think there's a couple of things that slipped through that criteria). And we also wanted to temper it with a little bit of thought to hip hop at large, meaning the list shouldn't just be like 12 old school jams and 88 undiscovered gems, or else it would be like every other bullshit list like this where you just try to show how smart and obscure you are. We preferred to shoot for a more mainstream bullshit list. Then we argued and lobbied and ranked shit from the entire list, coming up with sets of ten at a time, starting with the top ten of course, and working our way down. The last ten was where we each listed a couple of songs we thought had to be included and then we sort of forced ourselves to put those in order. This was one song I was all for being on the list, as it's one of my favorite songs ever, though I never even tried to start hyping it up to others on the Rapologist EWA panel until well after the top fifty or sixty, because I know, even though it was a single and the first time I saw it was on MTV, it's not like it's "Juicy" or "C.R.E.A.M." or something that everybody who ever listened to hip hop ever would recognize right away. But for me, this is one of those rare songs that makes you wish there was like a whole sub-genre of music along these lines... strangely mellow beat but punctuated by that Memphis club drum track with the old school bells that I love so much for some odd reason. Maybe it's because I never could skate that well at the roller skating shit, only pushing off with my left foot, so when slow dances with the romantic bells and shit from old jams of yesteryear came on, chicks wouldn't want to skate with my left-pushing dumbass. Actually, that's not it, but it sounds funny, but I only went roller skating one time and it was at this chick's birthday party and she and me were in kindergarten together and then she grew up and ended up like one of those top-shelf white sluts (she even fucked NBA players, well, at least one that I know of - Jerome Kersey - allegedly), and I was probably mostly playing pinball at her party and getting hit on by this girl who got mad disrespect in middle school because somebody said she ate her lipstick one time or something. This of course meant that she was "hongry" and I think this accusation probably haunted her well into high school, where she probably settled down with some FFA redneck afterwards and I've probably been checked out by her at the Rite-Aid back home four times and never even knew it was her. But as usual, I digress... Another thing about this song that I love is that it's about spirituality, but not bullshit positive Christian rap. I mean, the song is about God and shit, but Banner says nobody will listen unless he mentions "22s on the 'Lac", which is why the hook is what it is, even though he never actually raps about a Cadillac and it's rims more than like half a line in the song outside of the hook (chorus, refrain, whatever... hook is such a stupid-ass term). I mean, we all have spirituality, whether it's the normal stupid-assed spiritualities like religion, or it's new-fangled "we're not spirituality" types of spiritualities like science or internet-era-lollerizm. But nobody really likes to talk about their spirituality because we all know that what we believe, no matter how true and well it works for us, is gonna be bullshit to 99% of anybody else who hears about it. This is because it's the nature of spiritual motherfuckers to get all hung up on the specifics of the shit and mock others, beat down others, or blow others up for not believing the same dumb shit we may believe. I feel that having spirituality and idiotic beliefs is a great way to occupy your stupid mind most days, even if all you believe is "I'm gonna get up and make at least $150 today," which has been my latest belief system to go by, seven days a week. It's simple, it's stupid, it makes no sense to most people, but it fulfills my life right now. That's spirituality/religion/pseudo-science/whatever. Seriously, this is like not only one of my favorite hip hop jams, but maybe one of my favorite songs ever. In a perfect world where all my retarded tendencies were fully massaged and brought out, I would at my funeral just have the instrumental to this played on loop while people stood around, passing a mic, and telling stories about the stupidest shit they ever saw me do, and then everybody could be sad because nobody was ever gonna be stupid in the special ways I was stupid to them. David Banner is an underrated dude from the South, but most of his shit is that normal pimpin' and grindin' shit that everybody does. I have searched very half-assedly, and the closest thing I've come by him to this song is the instrumental version of Trick Daddy's "Thug Holiday", which Banner produced, that I play fairly often as well since I found that shit in the dollar bin at the indie record store where dorks who look like Eastern European hipsters stand around looking like stereotypes, talking about how awesome one of their dumb shit friend's dumb shit's band new 7-inch on some dumb shit named record label is.
93. The High & Mighty feat. Mos Def & Mad Skillz - B-Boy Document '99 (Rawkus. 1999. From the LP Home Field Advantage)
(Also appeared on Soundbombing II. I'm guessing that came out earlier.)
Raven Mack: I used to buy everything Rawkus I could get, and this was no exception. This single also has two notable things making it relevant to me... It's one of the few songs on this list featuring a white rapper (Mr. Eon), and it's the only song on here featuring a dude from Richmond (Mad Skillz). At this point, Mos Def's standard reworking of old school themes had not yet become played out, and this was a feel good shit-talking song. I think with the fake gangsta posturing that became so popular (which is now tweaked into fake cocaine-selling posturing) that the backlash was pseudo-intellectual clever rap on the indie side of things, that the old-fashioned, shit-talking, feel-good jam sort of got lost. Just use crazy and ridiculous metaphors to show explain how fuckin' kick ass you are on a mic, and have a solid beat behind it, and throw in some bonafide DJ's cuts (with like maybe actual vinyl and not some dude just playing little snippets off his ipod onstage), and that's the definition of a jam. Mos Def has become such a Disney-crowd-friendly character actor to me that I forget he was an MC that I loved at one point. I should stop being such a judgemental dick all the time. But if I did that, I couldn't have Expert Whiteboy Analysis going on inside my mind. Self-importance is the first tenet of the Expert Whiteboy. Also, Madd Skillz makes me laugh. He's the only semi-famous Richmond rapper and he's made a "career" of three things - #1: being friends with Timbaland, #2: dissing more famous rappers, #3: claiming he's ghostwritten all these songs. The friends thing is fine, I can dig positioning yourself for success, as I'd do the same shit in his position. The dissing more famous rappers thing gets tired because I doubt most of these guys even give a fuck Madd Skillz disses them. Wu played in Richmond one time years ago and Method Man came out and took the mic from Skillz, and he had a line in some song because of this saying something like "if you're John Blaze then I must be James Flame," and I don't think Method Man ever even gave a fuck. And the ghostwriting thing? There aren't enough platinum hits on a thousand earths for all these semi-obscure rappers who claim they've written all these well-known hits to have written all these well-known hits. But there's no way to prove otherwise, so motherfuckers claim that they've written everything ever. Stupid rappers.
Mike Dikk: 1999 was the year I gave up on Hip-Hop, so I didn’t hear this when it came out. I don’t really have any attachment to the song and what it represents. It’s the type of song that would not fly well at all in this day and age, but it actually got somewhat popular because 1999 was such a bad year and people were really fed the fuck up with the stuff that was going on in mainstream rap, so all this Rawkus shit got over big in this time frame. Now, people are once again compliant to whatever dumbshit song is released about paint on cars or T-shirts or some new Pee Wee Herman type dance. I can’t dis the songs about dances, because there was one of those on every single record in the 80’s, but most of them didn’t become videos or cell phone ringtones. I’m not even sure if most people know who High & Mighty is anymore. They’ve been kind of phased out by more exciting "underground" rap artists. Skillz still does those annoying year end songs, and Mos Def is... Mos Def. I’ve read some recent internet propaganda that the reason he might be so sucky at making music these days is because he’s unhappy with his record contract and he’s just mailing it in until he gets released. I’m not so sure if that’s true, but I do know that I liked his character in The Italian Job more than I liked his last few records.
94. Chubb Rock - Treat 'Em Right (Select. 1990. From the EP Treat 'Em Right)
(Note: The song more famously appeared on the 1991 LP "The One")
Mike Dikk: I really wish I could remember how my initial infatuation with this song came about, but I can’t remember that far back. I think it’s because of that part where he says “Rob Swinger got no dinkie hot dog” or whatever it is. Or it could have been the continuous “Go! Go! Go! Go’s!” because I was a big sucker for shit like that back in the days. You can’t deny that fucking chorus either. I think a lot of people sleep on Chubb Rock because this was his only real hit, and he dabbled in that short lived House Rap trend, but this whole record was good. Or at least I remember it to be good, but I was probably in 7th grade the last time I heard it, and I wore House shirts in 7th grade, so I could be wrong. I still hear this song every once in a while with no real explanation. It’s never like “HERE’S A CLASSIC OLD SCHOOL JOINT FROM THE LEGENDARY CHUBB ROCK!!”. They just play it in between “Chain Hang Low” and “Hustlin” and act like that’s not a weird thing to do. It’s pretty cool because most old songs the radio bothers to play, they act like its some big fucking chore to play a song that’s more than a year old. It makes me think that some radio DJ’s aren’t complete tools, or that Chubb Rock signed a deal with the devil to have "Treat 'Em Right" played at least 20 times a year on popular Hip Hop Radio until the day he dies. Speaking of the devil, I was real pumped (what was the early 90’s slang equivalent for "pumped"? Was it "geeked" or something?) for his follow up record, but it sucked a dick. There were a lot of religious overtones going on, and then a lot of hippie bullshit that didn’t sit well with me. I was 14 and ready to move onto, THROW YA GUNZ IN THE AIR AND BUCK BUCK LIKE YA DON’T CARE so I didn’t need to be hearing about God and racial unity. I needed 14 more "Treat ‘Em Rights" and instead I got a shit sandwich in a flimsy cardboard cassette case. They couldn’t even spring for the plastic shell on that one.
Raven Mack: The fat black dude semi-sex symbol genre... something that hip hop has fully embraced that a lot of whiter musics seems to be afraid of doing. I mean, what the fuck, Biggie was rapping about getting tons of ass (meaning a lot of normal-sized portions of ass adding up to a ton, not like six women as big and ugly as he was), and we all saw that one interview clip I guess in the "Mo' Money" video where he looked like a cross-eyed beached whale gasping for air while fireflies followed his dark ass around in the daytime. If a dude like him could get ass, then Chubb Rock - a perfectly fine looking hefty gentleman - should have no problem himself. I think more positive rap should take note of a song like this, because Chubb is not being all "I'm megascientifical with cunninglinguisticals getting metaphysical about how shit's reflicted yall" and calling all sorts of attention to how positive and intelligent he's being, with metaphorical neon arrows pointing to his brain the whole time. Chubb just lays the shit out smooth and fluent, representing the positive party people vibe, and it makes his hopeful message that we all can hang out and dance and not shoot each other much easier to swallow. Whatever happened to the party people? They were good, fun-loving people, just looking to have a good time, maybe knock some boots, if someone gets pregnant, get a job and shit and just try to keep being party people but a little more responsible. When did rap just want to be about shooting and pimping and shit? It's silly, because party people seems the way to go if we ever wanna get towards a utopian society - people just spinning "The Funky Drummer" and wearing bright clothes and girls with big dookie earrings and that hairstyle that looks like the top of a ice cream cone, but usually dyed blonde. Should also mention, them old school hyper-hip-pop beats are kinda hard to ignore, that whole new jack era. "GO! GO! GO! GO!" They should just pump in music like that all the time at shitty jobs so we'd all stop being such lazy bitches about having to do any sort of work whatsoever. See, if we lived in a more fucked-up country, dudes like Chubb Rock and Heavy D and dudes like that could just make propaganda music to keep our production levels up, and we'd get smoothly sold on how great the way we were wasting our lives was in the grander sense of things. Instead, all we get is crappy beatmakers making specialized ringtones, which in turn has caused actual beats on the radio to sound like someone's annoying-ass cellphone ringing in the DMV lobby.
(EDIT: The link is fixed. you can now download the song. Sorry about that.) Download: Chubb Rock - Treat 'Em Right
Despite the fact that Youtube has every single rap video ever recorded, it doesn't have "Treat 'Em Right" for some reason. It was a pretty popular video back in the day, so maybe someone wanted all copies destroyed or something. Well, instead you get some bloke from london doing it kareoke style. In the meantime, SOMEONE UPLOAD THE TREAT EM RIGHT VIDEO TO YOUTUBE.
(Pic stolen from Ebay) (This definitely is not a part of the top 100 list. Just a download I wanted to throw up)
I just got this in the mail today. It's been a long time since I've heard it, but when I was a lot younger, I thought it was comedic gold. Probably because Eddie Murphy was at his comedy peak at that point, so you were tricked into thinking anything he did was funny. Regretably, it's not as funny as I thought it was back then, but it's still pretty interesting as far as novelty rappin' goes. Oh, you might hear a slight buzzing in the background during quiet parts (there really isn't any), because I didn't notice my makeshift grounding wire fell out of my turntable while I was ripping this. If for some reason you are a serious collecter of Bad, Old Celebrity Novelty Rap, get in touch and I will re-rip it.
Joe Piscopo & Eddie Murphy - Honeymooners Rap 12" (CBS. 1985)
1. Honeymooners Rap (Captain Video Version) 5:47 2. Honeymooners Rap (Album Version) 3:59 3. Honeymooners Rap (King of the Castle Version) 2:41
95. Juvenile - Ha (Cash Money. 1998. From the LP 400 Degreez)
Raven Mack: I remember seeing this video and wondering why this fifteen-year-old kid was standing on his car in a standard rap video decrepit alley and not really rhyming but just saying "Hunh" at the end of every line. It seemed stupid. But it got stuck in my brain, like stupid stuff does far too often. Unfortunately, most of Juvenile's artistic library morphs into one song in my head where the hook is "She git it from her mama, back that ass up, she git it from her mama, back that ass up," and then the verse is just lines about the awesome shit this girl can do with each line having "hunh" at the end of it so it rhymes. Funny how time changes perception, because this song was annoying as fuck at one point, but when you lay it alongside snap and trap music's strip club greatest hits that the south is most known for in recent years, it makes "Ha" sound like lyrical brilliance. And to be fair, Mannie Fresh might be one of my favorite beatmakers ever, only behind DJ Premier and the Rap-a-Lot Bido and them other dudes production team. Oh yeah, and Pete Rock. Also, early RZA but pretend when his younger brother 4th Disciple started being awesome at the same time RZA started getting all bobby digital and lazy, just splice early RZA into 4th Disciple starting at that point, and I like that person better as a beatmaker. So Mannie Fresh is like fifth favorite for me, so long as I don't start thinking about this more.
Mike Dikk: Just like everyone else, I think my first reaction to this video was “Is that guy even saying words?”, but once I got over that, I realized how incredibly amazing the beat was. It’s so grimy, yet still danceable, which is a pretty hard thing to do. Another reason why I loved this song was because the video came out when the average rap video cost about a million dollars to make, and the only expensive thing in the "Ha" video was the car rental. I’m still surprised they even bothered to play this during regular mainstream rap hours and it wasn’t relegated to BET late night, although I think that’s where it originally started out. Once this song hit big, Mannie Fresh paraded out five thousand more hot beats and I thought it would never end. I mean everything about them was pretty simplistic, but it didn’t matter. That dude was a genius that could take the most remedial sounding noises and mold them into the most hedonistic ass-shaking symphonies mortal man has ever heard. For me, his genius lasted up until I went to buy Tha G Code the day it came out. I’m still not sure what went wrong with that record, but there was a whole lot of wrong going on. Still, with the long string of Mannie Fresh hit singles, "Ha" will always be my favorite. The beat is like listening to hot bubbling asphalt in melodic form. Anytime I hear it, I automatically think of awful, humid weather, but in a good way. I doubt any other producer will ever duplicate the reign Mannie Fresh had. In my mind, it lasted about ten years, but I think in reality it was only around 8 months, but it damn sure was a glorious 8 months.
96. Master P - Bout It Bout It II (No Limit/Priority. 1996. From The LP Ice Cream Man)
(Editor's Note: TRU's 'I'm Bout It Bout It' is basically the same song without the Mia X verse, so the TRU version also shares this spot, but I think the Master P/Mia X version is slightly more well known.)
Mike Dikk: This was probably Northern America’s first real introduction to Master P. I think his obnoxious Pen & Pixel ads in The Source and other various low grade Rap Magazines kind of predate this song, but this was his first real introduction nonetheless. From what I understand, this was basically a Southern Anthem for a while, but it was considered a novelty up north. We northerners still weren’t assimilated to hearing southern people rap, so this just sounded like gibberish back in the day. It was also a few years before No Limit "found" their own sound, so this is soaked in G-Funk, which we were all pretty fucking sick of by 1996. I don’t think the south had the internet yet, so no one bothered to tell them. I’m not really sure what happened over the course of a few years to turn Master P from an example of rap comedy to some dude making 60 million dollars a year. I always admired him, because he seemed like a real smart dude businesswise who knew what to do to make money, but at the same time, seemed like a dude who should never, ever have that much money. His business model was genius. Spending jack shit on production and mainstream advertising and churning out poor to mediocre tapes by dudes with ridiculous names every other week. That’s all it took! 60 million just like that! I guess he also invested a lot of the money in things like car dealerships and no budget straight to video "movies" that people who aren’t me apparently watched. Of course, he then went and spent his money on things like constructing a 4 million dollar solid gold bedroom for himself (which would later float away in Hurricane Katrina), starting up possibly the worst rapper related clothing line ever, designing a talking doll of himself, and making a real embarrassing attempt at becoming a pro basketball player. I still don’t know how that could account for losing that much money, but it happened somehow. He was still a pioneer of sorts though. People to this day still try and duplicate the way he ran his label. Dipset is shining proof. They actually remade "Bout it Bout" with Master P a few years back. It wasn’t an improvement, but it wasn’t any worse either. For what it’s worth, No Limit produced some great songs. Unfortunately, I’m not really going to prop up this song. I’d like to see Hamburglar spit over this and change all the "Bout it Bout it"s to "Robble Robbles" though. That’s basically what I imagine anytime I hear this song, which is really never anymore. I’m more of an “IT AIN’T MAH FAULT. DIDIDODAT??” type of guy. Oh, and I really wanted to become an honorary No Limit Soldier and buy one of those bootleg No Limit medallions that was going around all the county fairs and flea markets in the late '90s because one time I went to the grocery store and my bag boy was wearing one, and I thought if a Bag Boy was a No Limit Soldier, then I had a real good chance of becoming one too! Before I go, FREE C-MURDER! That dude has now been in jail longer than Master P’s rap career.
Raven Mack: I was living back in shitty Farmville, mired a little too far in the perfect small town hopelessness of the south again, and was away from the city I went to college for the first time in some time, so I was hanging with real-life actual black people again, and not just the type of black dudes who have ironic tattoos and love The Dwarves. So at this point, hearing "Bout It Bout It" for the first time, I loved it, even though the simple lyrical content and even simpler choice of words worked against the mental structure I had achieved in higher education (the average "above-average" mind cringes when it hears "shit" rhymed with "bitch"), the perfect simplicity rocked my inner-soul, because deep down inside, all of us just want to be gangstas. And I thought C-Murder got out of jail, but then got murdered, and then after New Orleans sent all their felons to Houston after the hurricane, other people were getting murdered over C-Murder's murder, and Houston was pissed at how thuggish ruggish and bout it bout it these New Orleans transplants turned out to be. Motherfuckers murdering you kind of tends to ruin a good codeine buzz.
Here's the video for the original Bout It Bout. Also check out Dipset's Bout It Bout III (I was hoping to have this as a downloadable track too, but the CD is unavailable at the moment and I don't have it ripped on my hard drive anymore. You'll have to live.
97. Blackalicious - Nowhere Fast (MCA/Quannum Projects. 2002. From the LP Blazing Arrow)
Raven Mack: I used to think Blackalicious was awesome and Gift of Gab was like this great lyrical innovator, and I played this song fairly often at this point in my life. I thought I was gonna see them one time at a big stupid hippie music festival, but Gift of Gab was in some sort of diabetic coma or some shit, so it was just the DJ dude spinning records instead, and that was enjoyable enough to build Blackalicious as even more awe-inducing, since I hadn't actually seen them. Then last year, they played locally at the safe club (meaning it wouldn't be so thugged out that I would potentially be grazed by bullets), and I went to see Blackalicious. Of course, plenty of alcohol was filtered into my bloodstream, as it was with most of the others in attendance, and it was a Saturday night and I'm most likely was wearing some sort of Saturday night fresh customized football jersey, and it all meant extra-sensory stimulation as in LET'S ALL GET DRUNK AND BE HAPPY CRAZY ROCK-N-ROLL RAP FANS AND CELEBRATE THE GOOD THINGS IN LIFE LIKE INTERCOURSE AND INSOBRIETY AND CALCULATED RECKLESSNESS! And out comes Gift of Gab and Blackalicious, who's rapid-fire jazzy delivery, sometimes acapella, eventually gave me a raging headache and killed all sensual desires inside of my body. I realized that for me, the rap music has to be somewhat sensual, and Blackalicious is more like painful jazz music along the lines of Coltrane's crazier shit, which is great respectable music, but good lord, if you're looking to get loose, it will not help you get loose at all. If The Cosby Show had been made twenty years later, Blackalicious is the type of shit the kids would be lip-synching to bring a smile to Cliff and Claire's face on their anniversary night, including little Rudy pretending the scratching sounds were coming from her mouth so cutely and comedically. And then that fat white kid from next door would run through the family room and go hide in the clothes hamper in Cliff's room. If someone would set up a Sunday afternoon, grown folks dress code, soul food buffet, and have Blackalicious play at that, I'd be all over it. It is a high society type of rap music, and I'm afraid I'm just not high society enough to always enjoy "Nowhere Fast" no matter how spot-on Gift of Gab's commentary can be, at least from what I can tell from the pieces I've picked out from his jazzy metaphysical linguistical jibber jabber.
Mike Dikk: I had a similar bad live experience with Blackalicious. I went to go see them a couple months ago at Skidmore College which is this rich boy type of college for very well off people. Needless to say, it was all young artsy types. Not the tight pants shotgun haircut hipsters Da Rill Hip Hop Internet Fans bitch about the most. More like the artsy type that would have been thrown in a garbage can on a daily basis in public school, but I doubt any of those kids saw the inside of a public school unless it was Bayside High and they were watching Saved By The Bell. I didn’t care about that. I mean, they all seemed to be having A LOT of fun, and I’ve never had any idea what Blackalicious’ target audience was in the first place. The only reason I listened to them to begin with was because of Raven raving about them when ‘Blazing Arrow’ came out. I like the CD well enough, but live Blackalicious was a completely different beast from recorded Blackalicious. Gift of Gab does every song in a double time rap auctioneer style and it’s not even close to being good. I couldn’t understand any of it. I do admire that he could emulate the Micro Machines dude that long without passing out, but it definitely wasn’t pleasing to the ear. About this particular song: I do like it a lot. Especially the end part about the procrastination, because it’s pretty fitting for me. Then again, I’m sure anyone who listens to it, related to it, since this is America, land of procrastination. Even though this song was lowly ranked, I don’t know if it should have made the list. Not to dis my fellow EWA posse, but I don’t know. Maybe it’s because the live show just left a bad taste in my mouth, or maybe it’s because I’m a cranky bastard who thinks everything is wrong and horrible all the time.
"Nowhere Fast" was never a single so there's no real video for it. Youtube didn't have any made up video for it either, but there is definitely no shortage of people doing real dumb shit set to Blackalicious. So much in fact, it was hard to pick the best one. I settled on some girl who made some sort of Teen Angst filled "Video Art Collage" set to a different Blackalicious song. If you don't like it, you can watch the video that came in second place, which features a white kid and an asiankid interpretive dancing to Avenged Sevenfold and Blackalicious in the backseat of a car.
Dumpin is a blog about music, and then sometimes some other stuff.
If you would like to send something in for review, or talk about life, get in touch:
email: mike dikk @ GMAIL dot com
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