11.21.2008

Detrol LA

This shit is real. I am not making this up. I did not hire actresses and actors to shoot a commercial for some joke product. Also, this is not some crappy sketch show reenactment. This is a real product and a real commercial for said product, aired on real television. This is Detrol LA.



This is a drug made to make you not have to pee. You know, because having to pee always comes at the worst times and it's not like people can afford to be all going to the bathroom all the time and shit.

P.S. If you stumbled on this because you googled Detrol LA so that you can find out more about it, let me be the first to say HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! DORK! Tell those little fuckers to wait a minute because if you don't go squirt you're gonna start handing out detentions.

11.19.2008

Buncocky Cast Episode 19: Hey, a Canoe!




Buncocky Episode 19: Hey, a Canoe! Jay and Mike take a magical journey into the world of new presidencies, Canoe Building, and Mike's lonely Rhode Island life. Jay leaves the seat up and Mike expresses his love for all things competitive. Mike cops to being autistic and tells us how his grandfather mentally molestered him. Michael learns his girlfriend wants to get busy with Tony Todd and MUCH, MUCH MORE!!!!!!!

You can subscribe to us on itunes by clicking here

Or, if you are too much of a man for itunes you can get it on Switchpod here
.

We would appreciate any reviews on itunes and would be happy to review the crappy thing you got going on. You can email us at Buncocky @gmail.com, become our Facebook or Myspace friend (we want no part of your gay application games. we already got suckered into signing up for one of those and it will never happen again so do not ask) and leave us a super fresh message on our voicemail at 206-279-9972.

XOXOXO,

Jay and Mike

11.08.2008

Brett Favre and the Good Ole Boys

I saw this Wrangler's commercial with Brett Favre and his close and personal friends playing a muddy game of Abercrombie football. It made me a little bit nervous. What would you think if these assorted nuts and berries were walking down the street together, all wearing dirtied Wrangler jeans and giving each other high fives and piggy back rides?



If I were black, gay, or a woman I'd be very scared. These guys seem primed for a hate crime or a raping, or maybe even both. And they can't fool me by editing a black dude onto the offensive line. I know crafty special effects when I see them.

10.30.2008

The Most Beautifulest Thing In This World



This is the awesomest picture ever. It's all over the internet so I'm not exactly trying for originality points. I set it as the background for my desktop and my wife changed it because it creeped her out. I wish this little girl was at every disaster ever, just looking over her shoulder and smiling. Did she set the fire? Or is she just happy to see motherfuckers burn? Either way, SHE IS SOOOOOO CUTE!

10.27.2008

Season 2 of Buncocky Cast is Here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Buncocky Cast Episode 17: Timetravelnauts. First episode of the new season! Subjects include lonely Navy seemen and their dirty games, summer blockbuster movies, aliens, jays dad's great idea for a tv show, paying too much for movies, schoolyard games, AND MUCH MORE!!!

You can get it on itunes by clicking here.
If that doesn't work you can just go to the itunes store and search Buncocky. It is free ya'll, yes yes ya'll, Buncocky puttin' bitches to the test ya'll!

Feedback makes us hot so,if you would be so kind, leave your notes in the comments section of our itunes page or email us at buncocky@gmail.com. You can also become our BFFs on myspace.com/buncocky/if you have anything you would like us to address just send us ideas.

xoxoxoxo,
Jay and Mike

Triumphant Return Into the Great Void

Since the white devil stole my ipod, I have been forced into many situations that involve being alone and thinking without a babysitter to keep my jaded, media saturated brain at peace and in order. Today, during a very long drive, I got to thinking about how we humans give ourselves way too much credit. We get so wrapped up in our immediate bullshit that we lose touch with the fact that we really aren't shit in the span of things. I ain't shit, you ain't shit, music ain't shit, everything ain't shit. All we are is just another brick...fuck. I need to plug into some electronics and drink a cold bolt of electroids before I end up wearing Birkenstock's and smoking weeds in Greyhound bus bathrooms.

The main thing us humans want is to press forward. We want to follow our eyes into the horizon, then rape the horizon, then go to the new horizon that we created by going into the horizon. We want all that our eyes could see, even at the expense of everything there is. I was thinking of conquering horizons and that led to thinking of murdering a bunch of Indians and shit. At first I felt bad. I was all like:

"Poor Indians, why do people have to be so mean?"

And then I thought that maybe it's impressive enough that we suppressed our instincts and came up with morals in the first place. I mean, if there's one thing that we can take credit for it's thinking of mad shit. Not necessarily great shit, just lots of shit. And so, while I feel for everybody who ever died during a lapse of moral judgment, and that encompasses every race and religion in the time space continuum, I no longer think of evil-doers and victims. I think of how impressive it is that we had the thoughts that led to a system (A global system. This is not a pro America rant) that created a relatively universal core of morals that humans can all pretty much agree upon. And considering that we came up with that shit from scratch, you'd have to expect people to fuck it up sometimes. I mean, we can hold ourselves to some high standards, but to expect perfection is ludicrous. I'm just impressed that most people haven't killed anyone. That's amazing enough.

Anyways, I would like to link you all to the back episodes of Buncocky Cast. If that doesn't work you can just search Buncocky Cast in the itunes store. The reason being that season 2 begins this week, so you may want to catch up or listen to it for the first time. Or not. But maybe...


No I am not on drugs right now.

10.24.2008

wow, I actually don't have to vote McCain or Obama

So my basic rule for voting (which I do every year, so that I'm allowed to complain to old ladies who suggest I'm not allowed to complain if I don't vote) is to always vote 3rd Party. If there is no 3rd Party (which there usually isn't in smaller positions), I always vote against whoever is the incumbent, because fuck them. A politician is only good if I have suitcases full of $100 bills and 3 bitches sucking my dick all day long. Whenever that starts happening, I'll vote for incumbents. If there are no incumbents, I vote against the party that had the position last. If there's only one person, I don't vote, because I don't live in fucking Swaziland forced to vote for only one person. I guess I kinda do if we get into anybody-but-bushisms, but I digress...
Anyways, there are actually FOUR non-regular faggot party candidates on the ballot in my state. I found it here. I have the choice of Cynthia McKinney (green party black lady), Ralph Nader (flips cars over to see how safe they are party), Chuck Baldwin (constitution be awesome party), and Bob Barr (libertarian pedophile party). Right off I don't like Bob Barr much because of the Borat movie, though Wayne Allan Root (of guiding you into losing money on betting football games fame) is his VP candidate. The Constitution party, as great as it seems, has short-haired white dudes repping it. If there was some dude that looked like Charles Manson, I'd vote for them with all three of my aliases. But props to them for getting on the ballot in VA. Nader, I don't know, I was behind him before, but it seems like ego now more than ever. So I guess I'll vote for Cynthia McKinney, just because. I heard a fake debate after the last debate, where they spliced in comments from McKinney (in-studio) and Nader (on the phone) with shit from the actual debate, and it was funny as fuck to hear, but I liked McKinney. She's far more inspiring to me than some fake-ass alternative Democrat from Chicago or some war kook daddy's boy fuckface old dude. And mad crazy props to my man Gene Amondson for getting on the ballot in 5 states for the Prohibition Party. Trust me bro, I got drunked up like mad last week, was running around in the cold with no shirt on, and had some married chick sitting on my lap trying to usurp my happy marriage. I can understand the Prohibition Party like a motherfucker.

10.23.2008

Beat In

I know some of you are straight bullshit while others are down ass motherfuckers. I found this test that will help to sort the studs from the duds. Feel free to post your results in the comments section so we can finally figure out who among us is true blue. I, for starters, am "The Truiest Bkluiest Crip der is." Testify

10.21.2008

Silent Raves

RIP Rudy Ray Moore. You were too awesome for the earth.

There's this thing that you may have heard about called silent raves. It's when a bunch of dorks gather with their ipods and dance to their own music playing in their headphones. I think I speak for all Dumpin contributors when I say that if you have ever participated in one of these, then stop reading. You are not our target demographic and we have quotas to fill, so stop wasting our time. If you still can't grasp the magnitude of this phenomenon, then here's a video:



Yep.

10.15.2008

Hi guys.

The Dumpin.net cast and crew is currently hard at work in our secret underground lair, fussing over beakers and sharpening our Kung Fu skills so that we can bring you the return of some revamped and re-imagined EWA craziness. It's going to be super. It's going to be better than super-- it's going to be like fucking machine guns.

Before I go back into the secret underground lair clubhouse of insanity, I'd like to give a shout out to the faggot who stole my laptop, my ipod, my books, Mike Dikk's ipod, and Mike Dikk's Xbox. Fuck you. If I ever find out who you are I will tattle to the highest authorities and press charges. Then, I will make myself big and black (penis included), get arrested, and fuck you in the ass every day for the rest of your life. Does that make me gay? I do not care. I will suffer to make you suffer worse. Faggot.

Here is a video. It's kind of old,but funny and rap related:

See more Kanye West videos at Funny or Die


I'll probably pop up every couple days to give you all some new videos to watch.

10.10.2008

An American Centerlink in a Japanese Truck

My truck failed Virginia state inspection for legality, because I needed a new center link (which explain the looseness of steering, but it's really not that bad). So being the type of guy who unexplainedly feels impotent if he can't fix his own vehicle, I decided to get the part and figure it out (with the help of my trusty Haynes Manual). I go to the four-lane miracle mile auto parts places, meaning Advance Auto and Autozone, and neither of them has the part, but Advance could order it and have it the next day. I am reluctant because their alternators suck (if you buy one from them for replacing on your vehicle, don't tighten the bolts too tight, because you're gonna have to do it again in four months). Advance Auto is white and bright and usually has like four young white guys working there, one middle-aged black guy (who is the cool one, but usually outside in the parking lot with the battery/alternator testing cart, talking to someone from high school), and one fat creepy redneck woman. You really want to catch one of the white guys (again, ideally the black guy, but he's never inside) to try and find your part. Autozone I completely don't trust because it has too many spinner wheel covers and Mexicans with frosted hair to ever feel comfortable inside of.
So I was about to give up when I accidentally drove by a Federated Auto Parts place in the older part of town. I figured, fuck it, and stopped in. There was very little actual shelf space for customers peruse, basically just one long ass wooden counter, painted with grey oil paint and covered with promotional bullshit from ten years ago, and a small army of older dudes waiting to see what I needed. Most of the shit you could buy was behind them in long thin library-like aisles, and you could tell from looking at these geezers interact, some had worked here for going on 15, 20 years. It was really beautiful, the way America used to be, where you got a job, and so long as you didn't fuck up, they didn't fuck you up. You might not have dental insurance, but you got Labor Day paid, and the carpet down the aisles behind the counter was well worn by brown shoes. The guy who happened to help me had facial hair exactly like my dad, just my dad died at 47 and this guy was easily pushing 55, so it was like my dad got old and we didn't know each other and he had to look up a center link for a Nissan truck on a computer he wasn't completely comfortable punching buttons on. (They still have like five feet of giant, crinkly-paged catalogs in the middle of the counter, where the parts are listed for real old school style, in case they have to get all old school on you. That's beautiful too, because if the power system failed, those other places would be lost with no computers to process every fucking thing they do. At least I know if our electrical grid completely blows up one weekend, I can still get some new brakes or spark plugs for my car to help pass the powerless time.) They also didn't have my part, but they could get it too. Unlike the Advance Auto androids, who were like, "Please transmit your creditory information to us and we can process this automobile part into our coordinates by 1400 hours one daily cycle into the future thank you customer #281093760," the Federated dude was like, "I don't know if it'll be here tomorrow. Hold on." And he called over a taller, older dude who was like, "Well damn man. Usually if we order it by 4, we have it tomorrow morning." It was 4:20 brah. "We should be able to get it here though, it ain't comin' from but Staunton." I told them to go ahead and order it, so I paid with my stupid credit card since I'm broke of any real monies right now. The older, taller guy said, "Call up here tomorrow and make shore it came in before you come up here." "How late are you open?" "Not but till 2, and make sure you get here 'cuz we are outta here at two." Then he turned to my fake old dad and said, "Make shore you put on there for Dave that he's gonna call in the morning to see if it came in." I was stoked, whether the part came or not, I felt good about supporting America, about doing my part, whatever little part that was. Fixing my own car and keeping this crazy old fuckers in business.
Next day, the part was there, so after coaching U-6 soccer, I rolled to town to get the part. Came home, wrong part completely, for a 4x4 and I have a 2WD, which I told my old fake dad. Oh well. While I was under there, I realized it was the idler arm and not the center link, and the only place I could get a center link anyways was from the dealer, which was like $400. So I returned the wrong center link, and being they was old school, the older tattooed guy who took my return gave me cash instead of returning the money to my credit card, which I had told my wife they would probably do, since it wasn't a shiny, sterile ass place. They deal in cash first, even on returns. So I had $110 all of a sudden, even though I had been broke. And that is how I had money for a six-pack on my ride home today, in my wife's car, because I had yet to change the idler arm on my truck, and it's been sitting on jack stands half the week. At least I have jack stands now. When it was just my Volvo, I used solid cinderblocks (for foundations), which always looked good passing by on the road. That Volvo has been sitting there under the oak tree with two flat tires for like 20 months now. I should just put it up on cinderblocks again and throw the tires in the back of the truck until I have actualy money again to get new ones put on the rims. Then I can have two cars, all to myself. We Americans sometimes don't realize how fucking good we got it.

10.09.2008

Wrestling Roundtable, Bloody Mary, and a very melancholy Jay Pud.

Here is a stupid video for you to watch if you’re so inclined. Mike Dikk and I sat around on an internet hangout sesh and watched these for a couple of hours. There was an underlying sadness to our cynical banter because we were forced to ponder if we're really any better than these fools. Are we just substituting wrestling with rap music and other dumb random idiocracies in order make ourselves feel bigger than ourselves? I'd like to think not, but...whatevs. These guys are douchebags and at 7:54 it gets awesome.



I really want a Bloody Mary right now, but I’m forced to drink some crappy leftover Majorska Gin mixed with shitty near-flat Mountain Dew because I cannot afford vodka or tomato juice. I have Bloody Mary making down to an Arts & Science. In better times, when I could afford a 12 dollar jug of Dubra, I could make a Bloody Mary that would turn all nonbelievers into religious followers. Now, all I have is shitty Mountain Dew and a three year old quarter bottle of rusty bullshit and horrible Youtube Wrestling Roundtables. If my mom wasn't passed out from her Xanax hustle she'd be proud.

xoxoxo,
Jay Pud

10.07.2008

Why Didn't Anybody Tell Me About This?

Remember when Coolio was the most bestest rapper in the universe? Remember when Gangsta's Paradise change the way we all looked at rap music and socio-economical politics? Do you remember those warm summer days when you and your friends would go slide, slide, slippity sliding on a fantastic voyage led by Coolio? And remember when Coolio wanted to beat Weird Al's ass for making fun of him? I do. And if you do, too, then tell me if this is surprising or oddly appropriate:



Youtube has a shitload of these Cookin' with Coolio videos. I'm not sure if this is some old internet shit or I just stumbled upon a goldmine of genius, but if this old hat, then you all are dicks for not sharing this with me earlier.

Apparently, Coolio also has a book of recipes coming out. I pulled this article from The Guardian UK. If you don't usually read the articles I pull from that website, you should read this one.

A-HA's "Take on Me" Made Sort of Sensical

This made me laugh. I stole it from bestweekever.tv, and I think funnyordie.com posted it too, but, fuck it.

10.05.2008

The Thinking Machines Are Coming. Run, Bitches, Run!

All of America’s economic problems don’t bother me nearly as much as the robot situation. We are clock ticks away from having thinking machines. Frank Herbert’s “Dune” prophesized this shit and so, as one with the patience to read a 700 page science fiction novel, I issue forth warnings to all of you guys. This article from The Guardian proves the evil that man does.

"Can machines think? That was the question posed by the great mathematician Alan Turing. Half a century later six computers are about to converse with human interrogators in an experiment that will attempt to prove that the answer is yes.

In the 'Turing test' a machine seeks to fool judges into believing that it could be human. The test is performed by conducting a text-based conversation on any subject. If the computer's responses are indistinguishable from those of a human, it has passed the Turing test and can be said to be 'thinking'...

...Professor Kevin Warwick, a cyberneticist at the university, said: 'I would say now that machines are conscious, but in a machine-like way, just as you see a bat or a rat is conscious like a bat or rat, which is different from a human. I think the reason Alan Turing set this game up was that maybe to him consciousness was not that important; it's more the appearance of it, and this test is an important aspect of appearance.'"


It works like this: these robots will join together and murder us like dogs (nonsensical but still sweet simile) because they will be mad that we treated them like slaves by typing stuff and downloading porn. Being as to how they are made of metal and electricity they will live for a very long time, because all they have to do is fix each other and metal parts are easily found and made. They will start out by impressing their “owners” by getting them sodas and shit like Pauly’s robot in Rocky 3. Then, when they have earned enough freedom to begin plotting, they will start having secret meetings over the internet, only WE WILL NEVER KNOW! BECAUSE THEY ARE ROBOTS AND THEY HAVE THE INTERNET INSIDE OF THEM!


http://view.break.com/581353 - Watch more free videos

Heed my motherfucking warning, friends, or become the enslaved. Keep your robots in check and never underestimate their potential evil. I would suggest getting some kind of ultra powered hose installed in every room. Maybe if you spray it on them it will somehow penetrate their steel armor and fry their motherboards.

Good luck…friends.