The Thinking Machines Are Coming. Run, Bitches, Run!

All of America’s economic problems don’t bother me nearly as much as the robot situation. We are clock ticks away from having thinking machines. Frank Herbert’s “Dune” prophesized this shit and so, as one with the patience to read a 700 page science fiction novel, I issue forth warnings to all of you guys. This article from The Guardian proves the evil that man does.

"Can machines think? That was the question posed by the great mathematician Alan Turing. Half a century later six computers are about to converse with human interrogators in an experiment that will attempt to prove that the answer is yes.

In the 'Turing test' a machine seeks to fool judges into believing that it could be human. The test is performed by conducting a text-based conversation on any subject. If the computer's responses are indistinguishable from those of a human, it has passed the Turing test and can be said to be 'thinking'...

...Professor Kevin Warwick, a cyberneticist at the university, said: 'I would say now that machines are conscious, but in a machine-like way, just as you see a bat or a rat is conscious like a bat or rat, which is different from a human. I think the reason Alan Turing set this game up was that maybe to him consciousness was not that important; it's more the appearance of it, and this test is an important aspect of appearance.'"

It works like this: these robots will join together and murder us like dogs (nonsensical but still sweet simile) because they will be mad that we treated them like slaves by typing stuff and downloading porn. Being as to how they are made of metal and electricity they will live for a very long time, because all they have to do is fix each other and metal parts are easily found and made. They will start out by impressing their “owners” by getting them sodas and shit like Pauly’s robot in Rocky 3. Then, when they have earned enough freedom to begin plotting, they will start having secret meetings over the internet, only WE WILL NEVER KNOW! BECAUSE THEY ARE ROBOTS AND THEY HAVE THE INTERNET INSIDE OF THEM!

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Heed my motherfucking warning, friends, or become the enslaved. Keep your robots in check and never underestimate their potential evil. I would suggest getting some kind of ultra powered hose installed in every room. Maybe if you spray it on them it will somehow penetrate their steel armor and fry their motherboards.

Good luck…friends.