4.10.2007

EWA100 - #63. Outkast - Player's Ball



63. Outkast - Player's Ball (LaFace/Arista. 1994. From the LP Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik)

Raven Mack: Man, remember this shit? Back before Dre was a 3000 model and looked like he might still be apt to slap a gold front onto an incisor tooth or two. I am all for tolerance and the general accepting of other people's idiosyncracies, camouflaging personal mental issues as alternative lifestyles, but if in doing so I am encouraging a whole generation of potential "Player's Ball"s to turn into a slew of "Hey Ya"s that get Jackson Pollock-effected metrosexuals with white belts to get all gleeful, then I don't do not don't no can't allow it want to tolerate that shit.
This song is by southerners and mentions Cadillacs. There is something about the humidity of the south that has warped the way my brain thinks, sort of like a record left on the front seat at the end of July all day long with the windows up and no stupid sunblocker cardboard thing in the windshield, and because of this slight warping, songs by people who drawl rap and talk about Cadillacs will always entertain me. I even like that stupid Richboy song "Throw Some Ds". Plus Richboy looks like a fetal alcohol syndrome kid with his eyes too far apart like a mountain goat. Dre was such a good-looking promising youngster, and he and Big Boi perfectly complemented each other, with similar flows but different angles, like a good back court tandem during weekend basketball tournaments. But then Dre went Badu-pussy juice crazy and decided he wanted to go play double A baseball instead, which in this analogy means he wanted to be crazy black dude white people love making weird music ala Prince or Sly Stone, except Dre's weird music is not so varied, just basically a dude playing piano and talking about how shit stinks, literally, and hoping that's enough to get over.
And it does. You know why? People are retarded. So Andre is the greatest rapper ever then probably, because he is homogenized and palatable and has a very patented voice that'll go from making cartoons to jingles for Honda Hybrids to eventually doing the aural part of interpretative art performances with Shepard Fairey graphics and concrete sculptures by Lee Quinones or some other full-of-shit aging graffiti dude.
I have "Player's Ball" on 12-inch single, and I pull it from time to time and can't seem to enjoy it because of what Outkast is, but also love it too much to go get some coin off ebay for it. Outkast is a tough one in the Expert Whiteboy Analysis dissection, because it's pretty obvious to even the most amateur of whiteboys that Outkast's greatness has decreased almost with each album, but most definitely from the start of their career to now, with them for some reason getting more and more Spin music critic jockriding the shittier they get. But well-educated mulattos love them some Outkast, I think because Andre might be the voice of the well-educated mulatto generation, with him referencing Whole Foods and foreign countries and shit like that, and with the whole point of being an expert whiteboy knowing Tha Rillest hip hop there is to know, mulattos - regardless of how white they may act from their affluent upbringing - sort of have a trump card in Tha Rillest quotient with whatever bit of black blood they have in their arteries.

Mike Dikk: This is kind of a hard one for me to write about. On one hand, it was a song at the time that really broadened my horizons to southern rap music outside of The Geto Boys and Rap-A-Lot. On the other hand, if you were to hear this song for the first time today, it might sound, dare I say, dated. Not in a bad way. More in the way that since the release of this song, there’s been a good number just like it, making it not as special as it once was.
When I first heard it though, it was completely different from anything I was used to. Sure, it sounds faintly West Coast, but not to the point where you would ever think it was an actual West Coast rap song. I never got around to buying the full length, or the single for that matter. I never got around to saving up enough lunch money, but I was still a fan.
Listening to this now, it’s hilarious how far removed Outkast and more so Andre 3000 is from their humble beginnings. I mean, Big Boi is basically the same dude, but I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if his current beats were as laid back, soulful and funky as this one. I never really thought about it until right now, but Outkast has a seriously fierce instrumental catalog. Even if you delve into their ever-evolving Futuristic Outer Space Blaxsploitation phases, most of that shit still knocks.
You know, that could really be the Expert Whiteboy’s real problem with Outkast. I like a ton of different music. Some of which I keep a secret from most people, just because I feel if I told people in real life that I liked a certain thing, they’d think I was just saying that to be eclectic or different. I try to let my actions define me as an asshole, not my musical tastes. I don’t like the song “Hey Ya” one bit, mainly because it’s presented as some sort of hybrid rap song, because it was made by someone who is most famous for being a rapper. If you were to strip the vocals and tell me Four Tet or Nightmares on Wax did the track, I could probably get into it though. Such is the peril of the Expert Whiteboy. Always contradicting themselves and kicking their own asses.
I got way off topic since this was supposed to be about the song “Player’s Ball” and not a deep look into how I can off-handedly defend my appreciation of Outkast without sounding like your average cracker. Chances are you’ve heard “Players Ball” before though. It’s most likely your mom’s least favorite Outkast single, which should help you figure out which one it is.

Download: Outkast - Player's Ball

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4.09.2007

EWA100 - #64. Camp Lo - Luchini (This is it)



64. Camp Lo - Luchini (This Is It) (Profile. 1997. From the LP Uptown Saturday Night)

Mike Dikk: Camp Lo’s “Luchini” makes me afraid of the future and aging. You see, I love this song to a point where disliking this song is a totally foreign concept to me. I don’t know if people really exist that don’t think “Luchini” is the greatest jam to start a party off with, but if they do, I don’t want to meet them.
That’s where my fear sets in. Even if the current pro-Luchini approval rate is at 99.9%, I know it won’t be that way forever. Over the years, people will forget about how great the song was. Outside of “Luchini”, Camp Lo isn’t known for much, if anything. I can’t help but imagine that in 30 years they will be a blip on one of those all encompassing “Best songs of the Late 20th Century” compilations. You know like the ones they have now for the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s? Where it’s usually a couple songs by people that had legitimate careers and then a bunch of shit by people who you kind of remember, but not really without hearing the hit song first? I just know that’s where they’ll end up. It’s like, I have no clue who originally sang “My Boyfriend’s Back” and I don’t know if the answer is common knowledge for your average music scholar, but that song was way before my time. Even before my mom’s time. I’d bet that most people my age could sing along to that song but have no idea who actually sang it and most likely could give a rat’s ass if they ever found out.
I fear that I will be an old man on Planet Earth listening to “Luchini” on my The Target-Walmart Corp. Presents: Famous Oldies From the 1900’s Ronco Mp7 Compatible Implantable Data Chip (This will be the most common media format in 30 years of course.) while all the young earth people migrate to Space Disco Planet 7x in the Alpha Sector, which is the planet that named Pharrell Supreme Emperor of Disposable Club Bangers in 2032. Please God, let global warming kill me before it comes to this.

Raven Mack: Here's some quick facts before Mike DIKK's words get me totally tweaked out... Camp Lo, at least one of the dudes, was from Danville, Virginia, which is a gutted-out textile factories with plywood windows piece of industrial shit drug-addled town, and according to my man Boomer, you can see one of those dudes, or maybe even both, down in Danville at bars every now and then using their brief legend status to be a baller, a shot caller, with twenty inch rims on their Chevy Impala type. That is the American Dream to me, using your fleeting fame to get hooked-up with all sorts of crap you really don't need in your life, and exploiting that one coincidental chance where everything fell into perfect place and you were a God, for at least three-and-a-half musical minutes. Which brings me to the other interesting fact about Danville, Virginia. It's where Clarence 13x was born and raised, who had some other name I can't remember, and moved to NYC, and he fell out with Elijah Muhammad's Nation of Islam because it didn't allow Gods to get drunk and smoke reefers, so he founded the Nations of Gods and Earths, which is all that 5% hoodoo that is deeply entrenched in the rapping music. When I worked with a big weird black dude who called himself a "domestic terrorist crazy fuck the president type nigga" who had been in prison in New York for ten years telling me about 5%, it was good word-of-mouth legend. But now that you can read about that shit in stupid RZA books and on the internet, it's just regular shit that any dork can find sitting around bored. Not that I feel I'm better for my experiences, but I enjoyed that time sitting in some shithole house with this weird dude trying to tell me how chicken and rice was a "Rastaman lunch" and just the general interaction of another weird-assed human being as opposed to google searching your way into experience.
Which is brings me back to the paranoia Mike has planted in me. This is one of those awesome songs that's feel good and initiates interaction with your fellow motherfucker, making us all together Party People, who were oftentimes in the place to be back in the day, at least according to popular lyrics. And this club-banger society, which I can see growing and growing, and this doom forecast Mike speaks of, these are not Party People. But they think they are. It's the Glitteratus Conspiracy, where the chosen offspring of 33rd Degree Freemasons - Paris Hilton-style drunken socialites - get to handpick the Chosen - like Pharrell and that Travis Barker fucker, to create a master race of entertainment-based opium for the masses, who have no means of actual access to that lifestyle, unless somehow one of the inner circle drunken socialites become infatuated with your penis, which won't happen because they only date Greek shipping heirs or Parisian boy models or pop punk singers. Us and Star magazine, strip club songs, VH1/MTV reality shows, and Carmen Electra's dance instruction tapes are different forms of this process, and it's sad when you see a brainwashed Manchurian Fat Joe throwing dollar bills around in a blank-eyed growth from his earlier form. We are doomed. It is why I voted for George Bush in 2004 because if the world is bound to be fucked, I'd much rather it just go ahead and be fucked as fast as possible instead of taking baby steps towards every waking minutes being mental torture.

Download: Camp Lo - Luchini (This is it)

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4.05.2007

Expert Whiteboy Analysis Monthly Top 25

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