EWA100 - #33. U.T.F.O. - Roxanne, Roxanne

33. U.T.F.O. - Roxanne, Roxanne (Select. 1984. From the LP U.T.F.O.)

Raven Mack: This was right as I was first discovering the rap music, which had been decried by the more racist members of my family tree as jungle catcalls and nonsense jibberish for the most part. But this song was part of the Roxanne fad that spread through rap music like herpes for a year or so. And to be honest, I don't remember shit about the whole battle of the Roxannes, and what started or what ended up happening or anything. I know Shan had Roxanne Shante, and there was the Real Roxanne, and there was this song by U.T.F.O.
Personally, I have always thought of "Friends" as the penultimate U.T.F.O. song, and I think that's on here on this list somewhere, but it's been so long we've been writing about this shit that we listed out over a year ago, I can't be sure. Which also means, there's no way I know all the Roxanne War of '84 details.
All I know is this song is mighty dated sounding. Still, it fills me with nostalgic giddiness, remembering going to the roller skating rink and trying to slow song hold hands with little girls (which was okay back then, because I was a little dude), just starting to realize it was cool to kiss a girl, but not yet having understood the complexities of vaginal penetration. Those were simpler times.
Now I am old and have children with more on the way, sitting around listening to invisible versions of "Roxanne Roxanne" on a robot I paid a lot of money that's staring at me with it's retarded square face right now. I should punch the shit out of it, stomp it when it falls over, and go outside and play some records through the speakers I have in the back yard that I cover with house wrap scraps when not in use to protect from the weather, but I won't. I'll sit right here, accumulating invisible music that will never fill me with nostalgia like "Roxanne Roxanne", because the older more complex me never allows me the time to actually enjoy any of it.

Mike Dikk: That Roxanne feud was the most confusing thing ever in hip hop. If I understand it correctly, U.T.F.O. made this song above, and then the Roxanne from the Juice Crew made a dis record because that’s all lady rappers were good for back then. Since the Roxanne in U.T.F.O.’s song was technically fictional (?? I think? I don't know.), they had to find a girl to become Roxanne for an answer back record (Again, this could be my own made up bullshit). Also, as far as I know, the Roxanne from The Police song had nothing to do with this.
After the initial records, I think everyone stopped caring, but I believe they went on for a while. Then like ten years later one or both of the Roxannes made a comeback to dis all the new lady rappers while neglecting to realize that no one on earth cares about ladies rapping. It was something I never paid much attention to, and this track is all most non-nerds remember from that whole ordeal.
This is one of those songs like “Rumours” or “Friends” (which is not a U.T.F.O. song like Raven said it was; he be smokin’ mad krills though, so I’ll overlook the obvious mistake) where it’s so in your face '80s sounding that it’s hard to hype up to the young folks, but all the older folks will swear this is real deal hip hop and everything else is garbage. I am fortunately in the middle somewhere so I can appreciate more modern music and at the same time, respect all this grandpa music that dudes are bumping on their Hover-Rounds. Songs like this make me think of jheri curls and the smells associated with them, which is never a good thing.
Unfortunately, I don’t have a cute roller rink story to coincide with Ravens. I’d request “Walk Like an Egyptian” when I went to the roller rink because that’s how I was rolling back when I was nine. Sometimes I’d switch it up with “The Final Countdown” or The Fat Boys, but they never played The Fat Boys because that particular roller rink did not carry rap music. That roller rink is also where my initial hatred for AC/DC came from and I can proudly say I still hate AC/DC, but now more for all the horrible “Back in Black” mash ups I’ve heard over the last ten years. Anyway, the Roxanne song came out when I was around six and I was entirely too busy eating crayons to listen to music. Plus, to this day, I still prefer The Police’s “Roxanne” to this one, and once we make our follow up “Top 100 Jamz By Uncomfortably Gay Looking Duos" (they were really a trio though) list, I’m sure the rankings will show as much.

Download: UTFO - Roxanne, Roxanne

I assume this was an official video back in the day, but I am not a senior citizen, so I'm not sure. Anyway watch the video, but....

...I recommend watching the video to UTFO's "Beats & Rhymes" because it is about a trillion times better. Fuck it, this is probably the greatest rap music video ever: