9.30.2008

Imax movies

We took the kids to the Science Museum in Richmond last weekend, to get some science and see the Imaxes movie pictures about the Grand Canyon. I hadn't seen an Imax flick since I was in high school and me and four other dudes skipped school, dropped acid, popped into a small ass '88 Dodge Omni, and went to the Science Museum in Richmond, because we were high-minded delinquents. My 4-year-old was right at the cusp of not being able to handle such a gigantic surround-sound movie, and the whitewater rapids scenes caused her to curl up in my lap and hide her face. The movie was good like most Imaxes movies, except they always have to have some sort of save-the-earth bent, and be like, "You know, the Colorado River is almost dried up because of overuse by man. So now watch us ride through these awesome rapids." And then at the end, they tell you to get different showerheads to save 500 gallons of water a year.
An eventual thing I'm gonna do when I win the lottery, to help expedite wasting my money and being poor, thus pure, again, is buy me a museum with one of the Imaxxes in it, and start hiring people to make hellbent Imaxxes, like instead of awesome whitewater shit, you walk through a ghetto ass neighborhood, and then have to run, camera in first person, because some dude is gonna rob you. Or that really nice space age shit they do at the beginning of Imaxxes to show you how awesome it could be but they only do it for ten seconds? I'd make a whole movie of that, like surround-sound Tron 2008. Because most of those movies are geared towards drug abuse, but then they put them in science museums and confuse the issue. Or Imaxxes porn, but some high concept porn, like about how conventional farming is so wasteful of resources, and then you pick up some hot earth mama in Whole Foods and have sex with her, then explain how organic farming is so much better, a couple hot hippie chicks make out while weeding on a carrot farm or something, or probably zucchinis so they can be used erotically. That'd be a great Imaxxes movie, and would still be as scientific as the Grand Canyon one I watched.
They just banned having a strip club across the street from the Science Museum in Richmond, because a Children's Museum is right beside it, and didn't want to expose kids to that type of shit. But I remember when that shit first opened - the Science Museum - and my school taking a field trip there, to the big city of Richmond, and there was a porn theater right across the street. I guess porn was more acceptable then, not yet so far removed from it's glory days and golden age of Holmes and Seka and the like.
(As a side note, I had an older guy I worked with when I was 16 convince me that I should try acid at least once, just to see hallucinatory things and realize everything I think I know is not necessarily what I know or what it is. I am very thankful for his influence on my life back then. If you are a lost teenager wasting time inside the internets, I encourage you to do hallucinogenics to expand yourself. But don't sit in front of the computer when you do it. Mechanisms like a computer can be too much when realizing reality is totally subjective.)

Effortlessly Unmandatory Post

All this talk about Ice Cube reminds me of this:



and also:

Mandatory Effortless Post

Speaking of politically charged music that can never be reproduced but will remain in a niche of music that is both great and uniquely American:



Shit like this will never be made again. Does that make you happy? It shouldn't. Bruce Springsteen and Ice Cube should go on a mega tour as people who are completely loaded but in their prime identified with the most financially inept sectors of America. If only both of them could return to that special time when their music and message actually had meaning. If only...



I'd totally talk about going to this but would probably bow out at the last minute.

9.29.2008

Some shit you won't see again anytime soon




I was washing dishes in my house listening to Ice Cube's Amerikkka's Most Wanted today and was blown away again. Pretty much every time I listen to that album, I feel like I forgot how awesome it is until just right then. It's the musical equivalent of Batman teaming up with The Avengers for some epic shit. You have Ice Cube, who in 1990 was one of the guys who'd been burning up the West Coast with NWA, basically sitting in for an album with Public Enemy. It's a bunch of guys who are knee-deep in justified black rage just going all-out and producing music that makes white people uncomfortable. It makes lots of black people uncomfortable, especially when white people are around. In fact, despite how undeniably brilliant this album is, a whole lot of people haven't ever heard it.

You won't hear another album like this anytime soon for a variety of reasons. First and foremost, its content is so racially and politically charged that it wouldn't go past a mixtape. You might catch one or two songs with content like this on someone's album, but never a whole album. Musically, it is also one of the last big Bomb Squad productions that didn't give a fuck about sample clearance. It's cost-prohibitive now. The other thing is, most hip-hop albums don't have a One Band, One Sound thing going for them. The days of Dr. Dre producing an entire album are long gone. This crossover was something that didn't happen a lot in the 90's, and I can't think of anything besides maybe Jay-Z Unplugged that has gone for it outside of producer albums. Sure, Kanye West produces his entire CD, but it's not the same. Rock bands do it all the fucking time and it's no big deal, Scott Weiland can do albums with Guns N Roses and great things happen.

Who even does shit like that now? Three 6 Mafia does, from time to time. Doom/Ghost is in forever limbo. Dan the Automator, sure. I want more, though. I want Redman to sit in with The Geto Boys and have Dr. Dre produce it. Bun B and DJ Premier. DJ Quik putting together a David Banner/Dead Prez joint. Fucking make this happen, music industry.

Anyway, Amerikkka's Most Wanted is some Fuck Whitey music that goes harder than hard. It makes me want to see a Reginald Denny re-enactment on someone like Glen Beck, complete with dudes c-walking around as they throw bricks at his head.


But you don't have to take my word for it!

9.26.2008

Hopefully Little Wayne and 50 Cent don't get mad at people making fun of them on the MegaWebz

So, I read on bestweekever.tv that Lil Wayne is now a blogger for ESPN: The Magazine. You can read that here.

To help prove my suspicions that he is a raging homosexual I pulled this contextually accurate quote: "As a Packer fan, it's been pretty good so far. Aaron Rodgers has been wonderful, man. He's handled everything, and way more than just the football part."

In other rappers-who-would-shoot-me-if-they-knew-I-called-them-gay news, here is this:

9.25.2008

Fuck White People. Hard.

I am posting this video because politics are not only for the gays and Christians (see below), but also the really hot, sometimes funny (now not necessarily being a prime example), Jewish celebrity comedians.


The Great Schlep from The Great Schlep on Vimeo.

Also, Sarah Silverman's eyebrows look really weird. And if she wanted to talk politics, and if Raven shot her with a pellet gun, I would be sad. Not sad enough to care, but sad in a "Hey, I jerked off to her Maxim spread a million times,and for all the pleasure she gave me I owe her at least the simple wish that she did not just get shot in the knee with a pellet gun" kind of way.

Read a Book, Motherfucker, Read a Book

I have been reading little parts of books lately, which I haven’t messed with in a while. Mostly this comes from electronic paranoia, thinking too much internets and cell phones have made me a whole lot stupider. Like sometimes I don’t use CAPs when I’m supposed to, nor proper punctuation, because the internets have taughted me this. Actually, I just then put CAPs intead of typing out the word because I have been made so stupid I don’t remember which way is the right way to spell that type of capital/capitol. I guess I did read on in the internets too, but it was mostly quick blurbs of news stories or penthouse forum letters where I pretended I was fucking my biology teacher from ninth grade. I should probably aim for something better with my stupid brain than busting nuts into pink washcloths and then thinking “LOLOLOLOL” at people convinced Obama’s gonna win the election, as if it was as easy as organizing a martini party in a gentrified American neighborhood where everybody has to wear a funny hat.
One of the things I read this week was the dead David Foster Wallace’s (who I’d never read before he died, at least I don’t remember it) thing from Rolling Stone about John McCain’s campaign in 2000, where he was basically doing the Obama thing, just less photogenically. It helped me realize politics is stupid and for faggots, or hardcore Christians, who are just repressed faggots anyways. I love it when people say, “If you don’t vote, you can’t complain.” I had worked up in my mind a good response where I would go, in self-important douchey way, “Well, that’s like saying I have to get shot in a leg and if I don’t pick which one then I don’t get to complain about it. What if I don’t want to get shot in the leg?” And that works once or twice, but mostly it gets boring if you hear it more than that, which no one else would except for me, but I try to live my life in a way so as to entertain myself, and that wouldn’t be entertaining. So I dug out this little BB pistol I had, and keep it in my truck, and try to remember to carry it when I’m around people who tend to proselytize on the political tip, and if that comes up, which it has twice now, I pull it out and point it at them (I put a piece of bright green duct tape on it so they know, sort of, it’s not a real gun) and ask them “Which leg you want to get shot in?” Both times - a 30-something dude who gets arrested over living wages, and an older 50-something woman who gets reiki attunements regularly - they look confused. So I would repeat the question. Second time around would get stammering, and I shot them, dude in the left leg, woman in her right thigh because she’s chunky and was wearing a big ass dress, so I hoped it wouldn’t hurt her too much, and I said, “You’ve got no right to complain if you didn’t pick which leg,” and walked off. The dude fell down, as I hit him on the knee, and I felt bad just walking off like that, but I felt the point needed to be made.

9.24.2008

The Gay Robot Life of Zack and Cody

I'm pretty sure that Disney built these kids with the spare sheet metal left over from some defunct roller-coaster. They have to be robots. Gay robots. Gay Twin Disney Bots.

George Bush Has No Regrets.



This article comes from the guardian UK.

"George Bush stood unrepentant and unbowed before the 192 member countries of the UN general assembly yesterday to deliver a valedictory address devoted almost entirely to terrorism, which he described as an evil that must be defeated.

In his eighth and final address to a largely silent hall of world leaders, the US president sounded a note that has changed remarkably little since he first spoke to the general assembly in the wake of the September 11 2001 attacks on New York and Washington DC. He said the global movement of violent extremists remained a challenge as serious as any since the foundation of the UN in 1945: "Like slavery and piracy, terrorism has no place in the modern world," he said."

Really? No regrets whatsoever? Really? I think that making fun of George Bush is corny in that it usually states the obvious, but really? I hate it when people say that they have no regrets; it's a douchey statement loaded with self-gratification. I regret almost every other decision I make. For instance, today I regretted eating ham-steak for dinner. It's not very tasty and would have been better served stuffed into a Hot Pocket, microwaved on a paper plate, and served to nine-year-old me. I also regret letting my wife convince me to make a Facebook. She just did that shit so she could see what girls would be in contact with me. Girls are fucked in the head. I am not a pretty dude and offer very little to the opposite sex.. I am of the opinion that she has demonstrated poor taste be going out with me in the first place, as well as her previous choices of boyfriends. She was dumb enough to marry me despite my neon sign flaws (broke, ugly, trying to succeed in an art, horrible listener, desperate to have people read the shit I write yet overly self-conscious about how much my writing sucks)and yet she still tried to catch me out doing some bad shit. She doesn't do it on a regular basis or anything. I have friends with absolutely crazy-ass girlfriends. In fact, my wifey is pretty much the awesomest as far as female significant others go (I'd like to consider myself the male version of the awesomest, even though I know that I am substandard at pretty much everything). Maybe I should be flattered that she thinks somebody else would fuck me. I would never bone down with anyone but her (she has a super vagina and she is the only person in the world who believes in me), but that's a moot point. My part in fidelity is virtually cemented thanks to my lack of positive attributes. Whatever, though. She's screwed.



So, yeah. Fuck George Bush.

9.22.2008

To Love and To Eat


Imagine this: You're at a bar. It's moderately busy, but it doesn't matter because you're alone. You sip on a beer while your mind drifts off into the space/time continuum. A waft of stale beer sours your nosebuds and you look over to see that someone spilled a Heinekin all over the glazed wooden bar. A Bon Jovi song comes on the jukebox. It's Living on a Prayer. You wonder if it's kitsch to like Bon Jovi or if it's so ironic it's become a cliche. You decide on cliche but it doesn't matter, you're already singing to yourself.

Across the bar sits a vision of beauty under the milky orange bar lights and drowned in the seven beers you've drunk so far. She's eating a quesadilla and she's obviously enjoying the fuck out of it. You can tell that each chew puts her further and further into some weird sort of ecstasy. If you listen hard beyond Bon Jovi's awkward high note (you know the one I mean)...I mean really, really hard, you can hear the barely audible moans that she lets out with each bite. This is a girl who loves food. She's not fat by any stretch of the imagination. Maybe she works out or has a great metabolism, but her body is that perfect place past skinny and before chunky.

Now, I have been married for 5 years and I haven't been single since I was 18. Basically, my game is pretty much ignored. I have no need for it, although occasionally I like to pull it out from the basement and clean the rust off... just for practice's sake. I saw a girl like that a while ago at a bar, and my initial instinct was (had I been single and wanting to get her to sleep with me) to order her a cheeseburger.

Would that fly? Is our world so shitty that ordering a random girl a cheeseburger at a bar would not only NOT get you laid, but would be considered an insult? If someone ordered me a cheeseburger I'd be happy as fuck. Food is one of the greatest things on this earth, and I'd choose a delicious meal over nearly all other tangible treats.

Feel free to leave your thoughts. If you're a guy, would you ever order a girl a cheeseburger given the above scenario? If you're a girl, how would you react if it happened to you?

I just popped out of D-Block at the Mulatto Penitentary to say

I <3 Jay Pud.

From his inaugural post of the Passion Boyz all the way to a month later, he has breathed life into our little hamlet of assholes. You should all send him strip-o-grams.

Also:

9.19.2008

You Can't Spell Wainwright Without Wang!



Perhaps I'm predisposed to thinking that Conan O'Brien is hilarious because I am a fair-haired white person, but this shit was funny as fuck.

Sorry Zach. Don't brutally murder me.


This bitch is awesome and I must apologize to Zach de la Rocha about the post below. Native Americans are no joke. This girl murdered her roommate by stabbing her in the back 23 times. The funny thing is, SHE TRIED TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A SUICIDE! Read about it on CNN.com here.

Beastie Boys and RATM Must've Rolled a 3 in Constition


I thought white political rappers saved Tibet in the 90's. This article from BBC News informs me that the Beastie Boys and Rage Against the Machine are a bunch of no action pansies who need to stop being douche-bag chitchatters and start being awesome ass-kickers. It will never happen, though, because the Beastie Boys are too busy having sex with each other (then apologizing for it) and RATM ditched their political dynamo Zack de la Rocha so they can party with Soundgarden.

Typical.

9.14.2008

Pimping and Bitches Among Other Things

This video shows Cam'ron and Damon Dash on Bill O'Reilly's show. This is worth watching for a)the disgust in Cam'ron's voice when O'Reilly accuses him of rapping about "Pimping and Bitches among other things," b) Damon Dash defending one of his points by saying "The Terminator ain't a cartoon," and c) Bill O'Reilly's usual ignorant-ass arguments.



If you would like to see more rappers on the O'Reilly Factor you can read this article from The Guardian UK

9.11.2008

This World and Its Fucked Up Priorities

I was watching Maury Povich at 3:30 this morning, as I'm sure all of you were, and it was one of those shows where Maury flaunts the wretchedly deformed and gives them Nintendos and Starbury sneakers. The eighteen year old girl who looks like a nine year old alien and the sixty pound face-tumor woman was on it. I didn't stay up to watch the whole thing. I was disgusted. At the deformities? No (yes, but that's not the reason). At Maury's blatant exploitation of the poor bastards? No, plus South Park covered that better than I ever could. The reason I stopped watching was because they showed a baby in China born with three arms and the baby's parents had the audacity to get the extra arm surgically removed.

Having three arms is not a deformity; it's an evolution. It's not like it was one of those non-functioning little arms with the teeny hands. It was little, but it worked. They had to teach the baby to use its other two arms properly in lieu of the mental trauma caused by the missing appendage. I don't think this baby is new on the retard exploitation scene so you may have seen it, but it's new to me.



I couldn't/didn't feel like finding the actual clip on Maury, but this'll do. If I had that arm I'd masturbate while doing EVERYTHING. Also, does it not seem perfect for holding a beer while you're driving? It's all low-key and shit. I guess the jokes are too easy, but...

9.09.2008

Something is Better Than Nothing,

This video has nothing to do with nothing, but I have some real writing to do and I don't want to feel guilty for not wasting the time of the three degenerates who may look at this. This is the bullshit I listen to because the hipphopps are to tense for me and I'm already a pretty shaky dude as it is. Also, I am a sixty year old lesbian.

P.S. This is of those YouTube videos that somebody made because the song doesn't have a real video. It's actually not all that bad.



Hopefully I don't become lazy with my story and waste more time looking for shit to post here. That never works out and it's a rainy day so I can't just go outside and not be near a computer.

Fuck the police.

9.08.2008

Ya Boy P.a

Hopefully, everybody had a chance to view the Passion Boyz video I posted a couple of days ago. If not, you'd better click here to stay ahead of the rap game.

I'm not sure what happened, but apparently Ya Boy P.a {sic} decided to make a run at a solo shot. Don't worry, though. Ace Boogie appears in the video and I assure you that they are still BFFs. I have no reason to believe that the Passion Boyz are not going strong, but just to be sure, I will leave them a myspace message here under the Buncocky account, assuming they accept my offer of friendship.

Anyways, here's hoping that these fools google themselves.

Lil Wayne + T Pain 4EVA <3

I would not recommend that anybody watch this video in its entirety, but it's Lil Wayne's performance from the VMAs last night. If you could, fast forward to about 3 minutes and tell me these two aren't gay for each other.



Notice at about the 3:50 mark how they sang to each other like Luther Vandross would if he was alive and brought a chick on stage, except there were 2 Luthers and no chick. Not to upset anybody, but for me there is only one gangster ass hetero Weezy:



Was it too obvious? Fuck it.

American Beauty



Mike Dikk, prominent cell phone photographer, took this picture at some store near his house in Rhode Island. "Mike Dikk in Rhode Island" has the same ring to it as "Strippers in the Library." Anyways, I can make a million and one jokes right now, but I'm gonna let this one speak for itself.




This picture was taken somewhere near Otis, Massachusetts when Mike and I were on a day-trip to the land of Boogie Men and Serial Killers. It is called SubMarino's and we shared a good two hour belly-laugh at the thought of how clever some Mook (I can say Mook because Mike is Italian) named "Marino" thought he was by coming up with this name. Think about it. Really, really think about it.

9.07.2008

Suge Knight vs Iraqi Juvenile Prison


Suge Knight was arrested on August 27th for beating the shit out of his girlfriend in a parking lot, brandishing a knife (I'm assuming it was a sweet dragon knife with a two-sided serrated blade), and having some Ecstasy and Vicodins. I'm pretty sure that his drugs were not working right, but whatever, that's not my business. The reason I mention it was because I was reading this article on guardian.co.uk about a juvenile prison camp in Baghdad where "Hundreds of children, some as young as nine, are... sleeping in sweltering temperatures in overcrowded cells without working fans, no daily access to showers, and subject to frequent sexual abuse by guards..." When I tried to think of something that would be worse, having Suge Knight angry with me was the best(?) I could come up with.

I'm not talking road rage mad, although that would be super scary. I'm talking like if I had 15 million dollars that belonged to Suge Knight that I found by accident, but he thought I stole it. Would he be mean enough to make uncomfortable heat, stinking, and the occasional ass rape sound like VIP treatment?

I don't know-- toss up. Feel free to discuss.

Internet Anti-Fun


You can make your own neon sign here. Perhaps the lameness of this post will get someone else posting. I will not give up easily. Hopefully nobody named Mike Dihh looks at this and misses the inside joke comedy.

And All the Angels Cried...

An event happened today that proves if you're better than me bad things will happen to you. Tom Brady, perfect, tore his ACL and is out for the season. I wish it was his face but I won't get greedy. If you want a summary of everything I hate about Tom Brady you can see it in this short video:



I believe this is all a karmic plan to take away all that The Force hath giveth he. I hope that his back-up leads the team to an undefeated season and a Superbowl victory. Then, Tom Brady's self esteem will take a five rope shot in the mouth and he'll become a drunkard and watch as his even perfecter back-up steals his job for goodsies. Who's smiling now, Tom? I bet it's hard to throw a touchdown while inserting your penis into a super model now that you can't stand on your angel-sculpted calves. That's what you get for being all "look at me! I'm Tom Brady!" Dick.

Good Morning!

Good Morning, Bitches! It's the motherfucking Sunday-- the day that baby Jesus rolled up on his big wheel and told everybody to chill the fuck out and watch some goddamn football! Sit back for a minute,enjoy your cup of coffee,and watch this here video I picked out just for you.



And yet, another reason why the Kanye West is a cocksucker. For some reason he will not let people embed the real version of his video, and instead I had to give you some VERY creative person's re-imagination. Fuck it, though. I'm thankful for what I have and not mad about the grand posting idea that Kanye took away. Although thoughts of Metallica (who I imagine shrink themselves and crawl into their modems to fight against our mega-digital freedoms) popped into my head. If I even draw a slight comparison between a person and Metallica, it means that said person just jumped to my long list of unknowing enemies.

Many beers and football games to you, friends. Good Morning.

9.06.2008

Follow-up to "Kitchen Confidential!"




I don't know if any of you know or care about Anthony Bourdain but I am super excited that he's making a follow-up to one of my favorite nonfiction books ever, "Kitchen Confidential." The book will be called "Cooks" and according to NYMag.com it "explores how the industry he loves — and the people in it — have changed (if they've changed) since his years in the kitchen, and tracks the bizarre changes in his own life, along with more frank observations on dining, cuisine and the grim/glamorous business of cooking."

"Kitchen Confidential" is a memoir of his 30ish years as a cook and remains the only thing I've ever seen, heard, or read that shows just how much of a degenerate you have to be to end up a "lifer" in the kitchen. It's just as good a read for someone who hasn't worked in a kitchen as it is for someone who has. It's out on paperback, too, so you can probably get it pretty cheap.

I guess this is old news because the article was posted on NYMag.com in May, but you can read it here.

If you'd like to peruse the book first you can search inside on amazon.com right here. I think the cheapest one is $7.11.

It's Only a Cliche if the Meaning Has Lost Impact

In just over twenty-four hours I have matched the amount of posts on this website over the past three months. Does that speak about the laziness of the writers here or the fruitiness of the writer here? Both, probably. The latter,mostly. Fuck it.

The past three months represent the heart of summer. As we float upon the final breeze of our beloved barbecues and beach parties, I find it only appropriate that I offer up one final, if not cliched, celebration of the happy time that was. Testify.

THERMOSPA AQUACISOR, YAY!

Good Morning, Motherfuckers! Although I'm sure I'm the only person up at 9 o'clock on Saturday Morning, I had to share this with you because it was the first thing that I thought of this morning that's in good taste to talk to you about. Although, it has a PATENTED THROTTLE VALVE just like me! (get it? That means the real first thing I thought about was my boner and masturbating. I bring the funny.)



This is basically a hot tub with bunji chords and some shitty clock radio speakers. My favorite part is the look on the dudes face when he opens the throttle valve and gets THE MOST INCREDIBLE MASSAGE OF HIS LIFE! God Bless rich white people! God Bless God! If anyone has one of these things you should give me a holler. We can get our motherfucking hot tub on. Or, as skeevy white date rapists say, we can catch a hot tub. It would make my life to use the underwater treadmill.

xoxoxoxoxo,
Jay

9.05.2008

Walmart Meat may suck. On the other hand, it may not.


I dug this up for your reading pleasure. Actually, I just randomly googled "Walmart Meat" and Yahoo Answers hooked it up with the lowdown skinny. I'm not sure if I'm on the side of Lex774u who said:


"Does anyone else think Walmart's meat sucks? I think that Walmart's Meat Departments suck. I have tried several different Walmart Meat Departments and I think all of them suck. Even their pre-packaged Tyson Baby Back Ribs are nasty. I bought some yesterday and I opened them today...spoiled....the smell almost made me throw-up. I refuse to buy any more meat from Walmart."

or if I'm down with this Thin Kaboudit guy:

"LOL!

You are so American you don't realize what you are seeing and saying! WalMart is a lot of things, and many of them are not good, but because of the size and distribution system they are able to command with such a huge market share, WalMart also have the freshest meats you can buy in the US, outside of a farm!

Because of volume, WalMart has pretty much the freshest of everything available in American shops!

LOL!

You just don't like real meat!"

Either way, here's a link to the great debate that's about 2 years old and only mildly amusing at best.

Cindy Mccain: Potential First Lady, White Sex Devil

Here's the deal: I am a cook and don't go into work until four. My daughter is in school all day getting brainwashed by the white man. During my free time, I am opting to write my stupid ass thoughts to you on Mike's website, mainly because I have given up on my own and I'm a sucker for a group project. Maybe my doing shit will inspire some of these other fools to do shit, if for nothing other than to move my posts down and out of sight. Maybe not, though.

I was just in the shower doing my daily run through of shit I have to think about. First, I bitched to myself about not wanting to spend my Friday night in a hot kitchen. Then, my thoughts drifted to the Republican klan meeting from last night. It's odd how shit like that works, but regardless, as hot water shot onto my back as if from an angel piss machine gun, I couldn't get Cindy Mccain out of my head.



Now, I'm not the type of dude to call all Republicans minions of the devil. All politicians are evil no matter what their ideals. But goddamnit, I know that John Mccain is privy to some otherworldly business transactions with Satan because there is no way that his old ass could handle a fine piece of aged evil like Cindy Mccain.



Look into the eyes of the white devil. Let her, for a moment, pull you into her Ice Queen bed and get all experienced on your young blog reading ass.



Give in to her thousand yard stare. "Forget about politics. Get wicked on me."



"I wear bluejeans, too. Now help me out of them. The breeze coming onto the veranda is making me HOT!" (Or maybe it's just the hellfire in her evil soul).

The Answer is Always Yes and also a super dope video


I have a book review for you fucks. Books are those things that they used to make you wrap up in brown grocery bags back in elementary school. As it turns out, they have a whole shitload of them for sale at the nerd store a little bit down the way from Hot Topic. I will, however, keep this short so that my speaking of ancient technology does not interfere with you watching the Passion Boyz video on the post beneath this one.
I know how shit works around here. I see the pictures of guns and all the talk about beats and stuff. That means that unless it's about the mafia or a sports star, then books are for fags. I don't expect that my suggesting you read a book with a pink cover is going to fly, but, fuck it. Maybe I'm a wrong.
"The Answer is Always Yes" is a book about a dork named Jason who begins college at NYU and carefully plots his way to popularity amongst his schoolmates and the New York club scene. I would recommend reading it if you a) have ever been a dork (and I don't mean the "I never really felt comfortable in my own skin, and even though I blew half the football team and won Prom Queen, I swear I was a dork. I mean, look at my cds! There's an Alanis Morrisette AND a Third Eye Blind. I almost dyed my hair blue one time. I was really thinking about it but, you know, I was like, why ruin the body?") or b) were into the New York discotheque scene of the nineties or want to know what it was like.
It has some annoying footnotes throughout which follow a secondary story. I was tempted to skip over them because they kind of detracted but in the end it all paid off and I was happy.
The book was written by Monica Ferrell who is an acclaimed poet. I can't really comment on that because, although I am fruity enough to talk about books on a rap website, I am not fruity enough to read poetry. I do urge poetry lovers to check her out because I have a feeling that the only way to be acclaimed at poetry is to be good at it. She knows how to tell a good story, though, so maybe you should stop being dicks and shell out the cash for a hardcover every once and a while (just kidding. You guys aren't dicks and hardcovers are rip-offs. Still, stop being dicks and buy the fucking book).
Now, another mindless video I got from bestweekever.tv. It was posted yesterday so that makes it like a hundred years old in internet hyperdome speedtravel.

Passion Boyzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Hey everybody. It's been a long time since I've written for this garbage and blah, blah, blah. Anyways, this video is pretty sweet.
Please tell me if at 1:42 the big oafish perv with the red shirt says what I think he says. It's also worth checking out their myspace and listening to their other smooth jams. They really have a handle on how to make the ladies wet. I'd link it, but they show it enough times in the video.
I'm pretty sure that both of these fools are virgins. I also wonder what they paid their 8th grade little bro to edit this video on his Commodore 64.