Keith, is that you?

I'll tell you something guys. Running this blog is a serious uphill battle for me. We've always tried to deliver our unique brand of meta-humor to the rap blog world, but the rap blog world doesn't seem to be interested in unique brands of meta-humor. There are literally thousands of sentences on this blog baiting readers to jump out of the computer screen and strangle us, and we hardly ever get a bite. We'll get the usual "good job guys" or "funny shit" comments and at the very worst, the shit I hate the most: "Can you re-up ______ please?" comments under some bullshit post I put up two years ago that someone obviously found google searching and unfortunately landed on the one rap blog not at all interested in stroking someone's hard drive to full blown pirated mp3 ejaculation.

So a few days ago, I almost had a heart attack when I received an amazing comment for another two year old blog post. Not since that one guy in the chatbox that would pop up once a month to tell us how stupid we are, have I been so moved by an anonymous commentor.

The comment was posted under our Masta Ace entry for our TOP 100 HIP HOP JAMZ ongoing countdown (I swear we are finishing this!). Here is the original entry

If you don't feel like reading, I will highlight the good stuff. It was actually something Raven wrote that got this guy so riled up:

"Mike made the Kool Keith mention, and I can just tell you right now that Kool Keith doesn't make this list, so fuck off hipster fuckwads and go pick up a 12-pack of PBR to go watch World Cup soccer and shit. Masta Ace was two times better than Kool Keith back when it was the '80s and nobody had solo careers really and one was ultramagnetic and the other was juicy, and then in the '90s, Masta Ace was still four times better, just he didn't rap about schizophrenic bullshit all day long, which confuses hipsters into thinking somebody's clever."

Now this is mainly hilarious because it was a giant lie. Kool Keith ended up finishing 12 spots ahead of Masta Ace on the top 100 list, but Anonymous Commentor was in too much of a rush I guess to go through the entire list before posting this:

"Actually, Keith's just over your stupid heads. Can't take anything away from Masta Ace, but don't act like Keith ain't the shit. So his rhymes ain't always the spiffiest. He still always has his own flows. Dude is hands-down the funniest MC, he's the pissiest, and his metaphors are clever as ever if you got the brains to catch what he's saying.

About half of his stuff is too weird. He takes chances. He don't go for that same bullshit formula, album after album, riding whatever beats were the most popular at the time. Someone as ballsy as him is bound to fail.

Pound for pound Keith has twice the classic tracks that Ace does. More than that. Dude's only released fucking 50 albums or something. How many can Masta Ace claim? How long does it take him to come up with a new idea? How long does that motherfucker sleep for? Keith's up the next morning with a new idea.

But like I said, can't take shit away from Masta Ace or most of anyone involved with Juice Crew. Obvious legends who's music is still relevant today. Especially today.

You guys are just pissed because Keith's always dissing on the backpack scene. You can't handle the fact that he has no use for you. You can't handle the fact that Keith will diss anyone he wants to and they never come back because they know what would happen. They all know who he is. They all heard his album when they heard they were dissed on it. Then they sat back, crossed their fingers and hoped no one noticed. And they didn't, because backpack motherfuckers like you need to hear that same shit over and over again with whatever underground beat is popular at the time.

Suck my dick."

There were so many things about this comment that floored me. The first being that someone took the time out to write a few hundred words in response to a two year old blog post by idiots. The second being that this was pretty well thought up but the person didn't want credit for his comment so he posted it with no name. The third being that some guy thought that two white guys running a rap blog over the age of 27 would somehow NOT like Kool Keith and this wasn't some kind of joke, and the most intriguing of all to me, this comment popped up at 7am on a Tuesday.

My first thought was that this guy must be a foreigner. What kind of American Kool Keith fan is up at 7am on a weekday writing pro-Kool Keith tirades to hardly viewed blogs ? So I checked my stats and sure enough someone was googling "masta ace kool keith" at 7am, but shockingly enough, that person was from New York City!

I can only assume this anonymous commentor is Mr. Kool Keith himself (or at least his manager). It's 2009, Dr. Octagon was like 27 year ago. No American cares about Kool Keith enough anymore to be penning eloquent blog comments at the butt crack of dawn just for the hell of it. SO please Mr. Keith, you must understand that this blog is supposed to be humorous, and we didn't mean any offence. I celebrate most of your entire musical catalog and I even went to that one shitty Warped Tour you played just to see you play like an 18 minute set and it was still the highlight of my year. I understand you had to remain anonymous because you didn't want to blow up your own spot, but deep down, I know that was you on the other end of that keyboard at 7am last Tuesday. Or if it wasn't you, maybe it was Jackie Jasper or Marc Live or Tim Dog or Motion Man, but either way, I am honored that you guys view Dumpin.net and you make it all worth while. Thank you so much.