To Love and To Eat

Imagine this: You're at a bar. It's moderately busy, but it doesn't matter because you're alone. You sip on a beer while your mind drifts off into the space/time continuum. A waft of stale beer sours your nosebuds and you look over to see that someone spilled a Heinekin all over the glazed wooden bar. A Bon Jovi song comes on the jukebox. It's Living on a Prayer. You wonder if it's kitsch to like Bon Jovi or if it's so ironic it's become a cliche. You decide on cliche but it doesn't matter, you're already singing to yourself.

Across the bar sits a vision of beauty under the milky orange bar lights and drowned in the seven beers you've drunk so far. She's eating a quesadilla and she's obviously enjoying the fuck out of it. You can tell that each chew puts her further and further into some weird sort of ecstasy. If you listen hard beyond Bon Jovi's awkward high note (you know the one I mean)...I mean really, really hard, you can hear the barely audible moans that she lets out with each bite. This is a girl who loves food. She's not fat by any stretch of the imagination. Maybe she works out or has a great metabolism, but her body is that perfect place past skinny and before chunky.

Now, I have been married for 5 years and I haven't been single since I was 18. Basically, my game is pretty much ignored. I have no need for it, although occasionally I like to pull it out from the basement and clean the rust off... just for practice's sake. I saw a girl like that a while ago at a bar, and my initial instinct was (had I been single and wanting to get her to sleep with me) to order her a cheeseburger.

Would that fly? Is our world so shitty that ordering a random girl a cheeseburger at a bar would not only NOT get you laid, but would be considered an insult? If someone ordered me a cheeseburger I'd be happy as fuck. Food is one of the greatest things on this earth, and I'd choose a delicious meal over nearly all other tangible treats.

Feel free to leave your thoughts. If you're a guy, would you ever order a girl a cheeseburger given the above scenario? If you're a girl, how would you react if it happened to you?